More often the trying on clothes leads to body hatred and is counter productive.

Ugh. I know that feeling. Sometimes I can re-focus on how ugly a lot of the fashion is and why it doesn't work for so many bodies, but it doesn't always work on the brain weasels.

And I also want to share something else:

I forgot to bring my phone with me and she got a low tire-pressure warning and called me for help. Luckily my daughter was home and brought me my phone, so I was able to immediately leave and help (turns out it was probably just low pressure from the cold). My wife is really angry and rightly so.

On Friday, I had an ingrown toenail excised, so when I got home, I took the laptop in the bedroom so I could prop up my foot per the doctor's instructions and still get work done. I forgot to take the landline phone in the bedroom with me. Apparently over the course of 3 hours my dad called like 4 times, and finally called Tim's cell phone (but not mine?????) because he was "worried about me." WHAT THE SHIT.

That's a massive overreaction, because 3 hours in the middle of a weekday is nothing. I could have been running errands. He could have called my cell phone, not my husband's. But he wanted to overreact and so he called Tim, who was basically like "She's probably in the bedroom with her foot propped up, why don't you call her cell phone?"

My point: people forget their phones all the time. And their loved ones overreact all the time, largely in an effort to be controlling and manipulative. Which is what my dad did, and what your wife did.

You did nothing wrong by forgetting your phone. Your wife's anger is not justified. It's abuse.

But the most important thing here is: I really feel you're at the point where you need clinical help. Believing you don't deserve to live, and saying those words "out loud" (typing them to us) is VERY serious.

I want to tell you to go to a psych ER, but I don't think you'll take that advice.

Gud, your company probably offers some therapy sessions through an EAP. I know the process of taking advantage of that may be more than you can manage right now, but it is a resource that's there for you.

And what everyone else said is right, of course. You deserve to live. We love you.

Gud, please, I know this is hard to accept as true but you are loved and valued by all of us here.

Ugh. I know that feeling. Sometimes I can re-focus on how ugly a lot of the fashion is and why it doesn't work for so many bodies, but it doesn't always work on the brain weasels.

I still remember the feeling I had at one point a couple years ago where I was happy with my weight and was super able to be like "these clothes don't fit or aren't flattering" rather than "my body is terrible". And even though I can't often recapture that these days, knowing I did have it at one point is so key. If that makes sense.

Weekend update! I had a nice weekend. I very reluctantly went to a retirement event for 4 of my doctors on the west coast of Florida. I was reluctant because I know the people in that region are very much opposed to my political positions and I worried about any political conversation so soon after the election. It ended up being a great time. All the doctors and staff were delightfully surprised that we attended. We were the only non-staff and family attendees. Many hugs and really felt loved. The best of many nice moments was one of the retiring doctors telling us that he plans to devote his time and energy now in global warming initiatives. Mentioned that you can't live in Florida and not understand that it is our biggest danger. Wow! This is a man who was miserable after Obama was elected because he was going to tank the stock market and bankrupt physicians. I didn't have a lot of time to talk to him because of event activities, but that was a shocker.

Then after the party I stopped to see my siblings and collect some boxes of my mother's stuff. My sibs have no interest in the antiques and books that I treasure. One of the things my ex-SIL (brother's ex wife now lives with him, long story) brought out was a set of 3 nested pottery bowls. I hadn't seen them in decades, probably because they are so absurdly heavy that Mom probably packed them away because of her hand strength. I was flooded with memories of all the meals which included these bowls on the table. It was a bit overwhelming. I've had them sitting on my counter awaiting being cleaned up and figuring out where I am going to put them. It just fills my heart to look at them. A picture of the largest bowl. I see it filled with Mom's macaroni salad or mashed potatoes when I look at it. [link]

Timelies all!

What everyone said, Gud.

Happy Birthday Jessica!

Wife of Gud is such a horrible human being.

She's mistaken her husband for her slave.

Gud, I repeat Jesse's suggestion of checking out link. I think you deserve to be reassured by professionals.

A low pressure warning on a tire is NOT an emergency. Nor does it need another person to check and/or fix.