Happy birthday, Jessica!

Someone rescheduled a meeting on me, which meant I got to turn off my alarm at 5am this morning and sleep for a few more hours, so there was much rejoicing. Especially since I didn't get to bed until 1am last night from traveling.

I have been stuck in this no new clothes until I am happy with my size zone.

I'm not really a fan of "no Y until I achieve X" goals. I think it usually works as self-punishment rather than encouragement or motivation. I'm not saying buy a whole new wardrobe, but if you need (or even want) new clothes, you deserve to get them.

Your wife is WRONG. First, you did take care of it. Second, if I have a low tire pressure warning I stop and put quarters in the machine and put air in my tire. (not rocket science) Third, you never deserve your spouse to be angry over unimportant bullshit.

She is abusive. Period. This is spousal abuse.

I don't think I deserve to be alive anymore and I'm having trouble concentrating. What can you do when you're just a piece of shit?

Gud, you really need to see a therapist. Thoughts like this are very dangerous. We can tell you all day long that these thoughts aren't true, that your brain (and your wife) is lying to you, but I feel like you're at the point where it's crucial that you get help.

Gud, please take a minute and just breathe.

You are not a terrible person. You did help your wife, and everything is fine. She has no right or reason to be angry when you came to her assistance. You have every right to be alive, and you are a caring, creative, compassionate human being.

Please please consider finding a counselor. Someone who can help you find strategies to battle those kinds of thoughts. Please. We care about you.

My wife is really angry and rightly so.

No she isn't. It was a low tire pressure warning and she was fine. I think it's more unforgivable that she won't accept your apology, and I've been plenty annoyed with people in my life who have forgotten their cell phones.

I don't think I deserve to be alive anymore and I'm having trouble concentrating.

I think you deserve to be alive and I care about what happens to you. Do you need to call someone, Gud?

I'm not really a fan of "no Y until I achieve X" goals.

I know, and I would probably buy new clothes if it would please me. More often the trying on clothes leads to body hatred and is counter productive. Working at home doesn't really require a lot of clothing anyway.

I know, and I would probably buy new clothes if it would please me. More often the trying on clothes leads to body hatred and is counter productive. Working at home doesn't really require a lot of clothing anyway.

Yes, to all of this.

Also, Laura works in the nude, pass it on. ;-)

Gud, please check out [link] You don't have to be suicidal to call/chat.

More often the trying on clothes leads to body hatred and is counter productive.

Ugh. I know that feeling. Sometimes I can re-focus on how ugly a lot of the fashion is and why it doesn't work for so many bodies, but it doesn't always work on the brain weasels.

And I also want to share something else:

I forgot to bring my phone with me and she got a low tire-pressure warning and called me for help. Luckily my daughter was home and brought me my phone, so I was able to immediately leave and help (turns out it was probably just low pressure from the cold). My wife is really angry and rightly so.

On Friday, I had an ingrown toenail excised, so when I got home, I took the laptop in the bedroom so I could prop up my foot per the doctor's instructions and still get work done. I forgot to take the landline phone in the bedroom with me. Apparently over the course of 3 hours my dad called like 4 times, and finally called Tim's cell phone (but not mine?????) because he was "worried about me." WHAT THE SHIT.

That's a massive overreaction, because 3 hours in the middle of a weekday is nothing. I could have been running errands. He could have called my cell phone, not my husband's. But he wanted to overreact and so he called Tim, who was basically like "She's probably in the bedroom with her foot propped up, why don't you call her cell phone?"

My point: people forget their phones all the time. And their loved ones overreact all the time, largely in an effort to be controlling and manipulative. Which is what my dad did, and what your wife did.

You did nothing wrong by forgetting your phone. Your wife's anger is not justified. It's abuse.

But the most important thing here is: I really feel you're at the point where you need clinical help. Believing you don't deserve to live, and saying those words "out loud" (typing them to us) is VERY serious.

I want to tell you to go to a psych ER, but I don't think you'll take that advice.