Thanks Maria.

I did this with my last relationship , except then I was trying to be ok with being unhappy until things were supposed to get better (and they never would have) .

I just , even though I haven't been in therapy I've grown and changed so much and as much as I wish I wasn't in this predicament now I think overall the last year has been really good for me in terms of my self confidence and feelings of self worth. And also I h have a living situation that provides a lot of daily support which in turn has reduced my stress levels.

I don't know what steps to take and I'm not sure when I can take them or how to figure out what to do , at least right now, but I'll get through it.

askye, I am so sorry. The situation is stressful as is and this does not help.

Lots of love. You deserve happiness and comfort and good, trustworthy people around you.

We all do.

First, ((((askye))))

Second, for what it may be worth, it can take time to get out of a difficult (impossible?) situation. Taking time to plan helped me deal with an impossible present (because I knew there was a time limit) and also made the transition to the new situation less bumpy.

Finally, one of the side benefits of working from home. My desk is at a window overlooking the dog walking area. So I get to see my attractive neighbors walking their dogs. Like the guy that carries his basset hound up the stairs back into the building.

(((Askye)))

My university's transition to distance learning has been a lot of work. But we have a smaller branch of the university in China that went online a month earlier, and we were able to learn a fair bit from that. And it's a fairly well off, private institution, so we were able to throw money at some issues, like upping the server space for the learning management system. The endowment is probably taking a hit with the market woes, so moving forward, we might not be able to do that as much.

Like the guy that carries his basset hound up the stairs back into the building.

Aww. My home office has my desk in the window overlooking the park. Everyone who has a dog walks by, and the day is filled with kids playing, and yoga classes, and so forth. It is relaxing. The park is "closed" as far as the city is concerned, but that just means people can't park on the inside lot, but there is plenty of parking spaces outside the gate and it is walking distance for many.

I just , even though I haven't been in therapy I've grown and changed so much and as much as I wish I wasn't in this predicament now I think overall the last year has been really good for me in terms of my self confidence and feelings of self worth. And also I h have a living situation that provides a lot of daily support which in turn has reduced my stress levels.

It's great that you can see all these sides of things.

I woke up early enough this morning that I actually went for a good walk! I should have gone further, but I do feel better, after being mostly in the house yesterday. Most of my walking over the past week or whatever has been with my mother, so not fast or long enough to really be satisfying. Now I can see if she wants to go for another walk later and feel good about it. Phew.

AND I just put in a load of laundry! Yesterday was kind of terrible, because I literally just sat in my chair all day and then sat on the sofa all night.

ltc is still waking up at school time, and she is already bouncing off the walls. Poor kiddo.

Today's my husband's birthday. A year ago today, Robert Mueller submitted his report to Bill Barr.

sj, hang in there, mama.

Medical dramas wouldn't drive me to imagine the worst ...

Matt, I've watched other medical dramas and been fine, and Scrubs is one of my favorite comedies, but the one early episode I saw of House made me pretty sure it would do in my head.

AND I just put in a load of laundry! Yesterday was kind of terrible, because I literally just sat in my chair all day and then sat on the sofa all night.

I've been feeling very kind of stuck for a while now.

The rain didn't help yesterday. I didn't do much beyond eat, pay a few bills online, and then napped for three hours and watched TV for the rest of the day. Mentally, I felt like crap by the time I went to bed.