Today was supposed to be my break after 3 days of pretty much solo parenting a sick child, but TCG woke up sick. So instead we all spent the morning at urgent care. I did everything I could to make ltc happy, movies, McDonald's, a trip to the pharmacy next door during the long wait, crayons and coloring books brought with us to keep her entertained. Nothing worked. She has been awful all day. She's finally asleep, and I am having an anxiety attack.

By this point in the year, the AMA has usually sent me my contract renewal for the coming year (although they can't do that until after the freelance budget is approved). I haven't heard anything, so it's starting to give me the willies. I could use some contract renewal-ma (and some calm the hell down-ma).

Poor sj, ltc, and tcg. That sounds terrible.

Obviously you needed some sleep, meara

Much am to you, Steph. That would make me so anxious!

I know there has to be a better way to deal with her when she's like this, but I honestly do not know what it is. I'm lying in bed right now because I'm too upset for even comfort tv. I told TCG to wake me when it's time for Walking Dead because I know he wants to watch it.

Do you listen to the Slate podcast "Mom and Dad areFighting"? Maybe you could ask them, they seem to give good advice. Or at least good enough advice that I listen to a parenting podcast even though I am not a parent. Rebecca Lavoie, who was on it, gave me some good advice about my new family on another of her podcasts, and I just, in general love advice for almost strangers whose job is to give advice,rather than friends and family who just give unsolicited advice.

I think lying in bed is a decent reaction

Contract~ma, Steph!

I don't usually do podcasts because if I have time to listen to anything it's usually a book, but I'll check it out. We actually met with the social worker connected to ltc's pediatrician. Some of her advice has helped, and some have made things worse.

The social worker seems good, if you click. I clicked with this most recent therapist, but not other therapists over the years, so their advice didn't work. The thing about random internet strangers is I don't feel guilty for thinking their advice is bad.

I only have a kid perspective, but I never wanted to do anything my mom wanted me to do! Ever. From a very young age. I was terrible to her, and really good for all the outside people. But that meant I felt safe being my terrible self in front of my mom, which Iam sure was unpleasant for her. But I think it meant I loved her more, not less, than the people I was well behaved around.

The social worker seems good, if you click. I clicked with this most recent therapist, but not other therapists over the years, so their advice didn't work. The thing about random internet strangers is I don't feel guilty for thinking their advice is bad.

I only have a kid perspective, but I never wanted to do anything my mom wanted me to do! Ever. From a very young age. I was terrible to her, and really good for all the outside people. But that meant I felt safe being my terrible self in front of my mom, which Iam sure was unpleasant for her. But I think it meant I loved her more, not less, than the people I was well behaved around.

Sophia, logically I know that is the case here too. She is a stubborn as TCG and me combined, but emotionally it is exhausting to get screamed at all the time.