Yeah, I remember, Pix, when I talked to you about this, a good solid while ago now, that you were instantly like, I get that. I get you. And I really needed that because honestly, it hasn't been available from most people. You just keep trying to have this conversation, and they're looking at you like they're waiting to understand, but you keep talking and they never do, there's nothing you could say that would make it ok to divorce, for that to be the reasonable, good option, because of course, it's not a good option! They're not wrong in wanting a reason. But they're never going to be satisfied because there's no part of my conversation where I could give them a good enough reason. Some have been supportive anyway, but some, definitely not. So it meant a lot when I looked in your eyes and knew you understood.

It sucks for the SO, because I really did advertise myself as the sort of person he needed. But at sixteen and stifled by the church, I wasn't anywhere close to self aware enough to realize I wasn't. My therapist once told me, I've never met anyone with a stronger need for freedom than you. And I think that's true, I'd have been straining at the bit with anyone. It wasn't any failing of the SO. It just sucks.

Thanks, Plei, I appreciate that. I think it was, and is, the right thing. I did this, so I needed to smooth the path for him, in a lot of different ways. But yeah, wish it wasn't so.

Yeah, me neither, Maria. Couldn't sleep last night, all up in my head.

But we can, and we will move forward,

I love all of you SO MUCH.

But at sixteen and stifled by the church, I wasn't anywhere close to self aware enough to realize I wasn't.

Oh yeah. I was 17 and Bob was 27. I left him when I turned 30. I wasn't remotely the same person I was as a teenager. Divorce does suck, and it is tragic, but it is also necessary.

Love all of you. So grateful you are my family.

I love the wisdom and kindness in this conversation.

I think not divorcing can be just as tragic. I know people, older ones, generally, who stayed married despite being bad matches and they never got to be truly happy. Sometimes, they made their kids just as miserable because the environment was toxic (I have seen this with family members over the years, and god knows my maternal grandparents would have been better off in a time where scratching that itch and moving on would have been better for all parties). Gwyneth Paltrow may be annoying but bringing Conscious Uncoupling into the lexicon was a gift to the world, kids or no kids.

Younger couples tend to know when to break apart these days, generally. Or more of them do. I am glad for that. (I am so lucky I didn't marry any previous partners. I would have tried to stubborn it out and been miserable.)

I found yet another lurker: [link]

It's a bit scary in how accurate that is, Tom.

Still struggling. I miss the confident person I've been the last few years. I miss Lucky. I'm super-grateful for Tessie though. This 15 lb dog is the best thing that's happened in a long time. She's been curled up next to me all day, just snoozing with her head next to my hip. I don't have to pretend to be ok with her. It's... nice.

There's a whole different feel to it when you get on the battlefield.

Oh, I know, Connie. It's just that I have a weird gift from my childhood that makes me very stable in chaotic/dangerous situations. I would neither panic nor fly. I become super focused and strategic.

So yeah, I guess I'm saying that sometimes you have to hurt someone — and yourself — to move forward and find happiness. And sometimes you can salvage a way forward with that person when you don't think you can.

Pix describes the end of my marriage.

We loved each other, but he needed me to stay broken so he could be the White Knight. I tried. God knows, I nearly destroyed myself trying to stay small and damaged.

It was the picture of irony. He healed me, and needed me to not be healed.

EVERYONE was shocked when I moved for divorce, us most of all. But, had we stayed together, we would have destroyed the best parts of ourselves. That would not have honored our love. As sappy as that sounds.

This 15 lb dog is the best thing that's happened in a long time. She's been curled up next to me all day, just snoozing with her head next to my hip. I don't have to pretend to be ok with her. It's... nice.

So sweet.

My criteria list for Bartleby's successor included NO SNORING. I was pretty serious about that. But now, Cagney's buzzsaw snoring is one of the most comforting things in my life.

Tessie is a Boston Terrier. Snoring happens when she's awake sometimes. You're right, beekaytee. It's incredibly comforting. We won't talk about her gassiness. It's enough to clear a continent.