It's a bit scary in how accurate that is, Tom.

Still struggling. I miss the confident person I've been the last few years. I miss Lucky. I'm super-grateful for Tessie though. This 15 lb dog is the best thing that's happened in a long time. She's been curled up next to me all day, just snoozing with her head next to my hip. I don't have to pretend to be ok with her. It's... nice.

There's a whole different feel to it when you get on the battlefield.

Oh, I know, Connie. It's just that I have a weird gift from my childhood that makes me very stable in chaotic/dangerous situations. I would neither panic nor fly. I become super focused and strategic.

So yeah, I guess I'm saying that sometimes you have to hurt someone — and yourself — to move forward and find happiness. And sometimes you can salvage a way forward with that person when you don't think you can.

Pix describes the end of my marriage.

We loved each other, but he needed me to stay broken so he could be the White Knight. I tried. God knows, I nearly destroyed myself trying to stay small and damaged.

It was the picture of irony. He healed me, and needed me to not be healed.

EVERYONE was shocked when I moved for divorce, us most of all. But, had we stayed together, we would have destroyed the best parts of ourselves. That would not have honored our love. As sappy as that sounds.

This 15 lb dog is the best thing that's happened in a long time. She's been curled up next to me all day, just snoozing with her head next to my hip. I don't have to pretend to be ok with her. It's... nice.

So sweet.

My criteria list for Bartleby's successor included NO SNORING. I was pretty serious about that. But now, Cagney's buzzsaw snoring is one of the most comforting things in my life.

Tessie is a Boston Terrier. Snoring happens when she's awake sometimes. You're right, beekaytee. It's incredibly comforting. We won't talk about her gassiness. It's enough to clear a continent.

I am SO fortunate around smells. Cagney has no bad breath, no tartar on his teeth and no gas attacks.

He doesn't even smell much like a hound when he's wet.

My gratitude for this is unbounded.

One of my good friends just broke up with her girlfriend Thursday night and is having many of the same reactions. They love each other a lot but also keep hurting each other and it sucks to watch them hurt whether together or apart :(

Humans are complicated. Sometimes I wish we were easier, but if my fairy godmother granted that wish, we'd be boring. And the assholes would still be assholes.

I was reading the last few posts and Penny came and curled on my lap for a minute and purred.

Relationships are hard. It sucks when you love someone and it just can't work. Sometimes I think I'm never going to marry or have a lasting relationship.

Yeah, I remember, Pix, when I talked to you about this, a good solid while ago now, that you were instantly like, I get that. I get you. And I really needed that because honestly, it hasn't been available from most people. You just keep trying to have this conversation, and they're looking at you like they're waiting to understand, but you keep talking and they never do, there's nothing you could say that would make it ok to divorce, for that to be the reasonable, good option, because of course, it's not a good option! They're not wrong in wanting a reason. But they're never going to be satisfied because there's no part of my conversation where I could give them a good enough reason. Some have been supportive anyway, but some, definitely not. So it meant a lot when I looked in your eyes and knew you understood.

I am full of feels after reading this. So glad I could be there for you, Liese. I think what made it even harder was that feeling that I had to make them understand, but they just weren't going to because of course there's no "good enough reason" when you are divorcing someone who isn't a bad person but also isn't the right person for you. As you said, some were supportive and some definitely not, and I so appreciated everyone who stood by me. So glad I get to return some of that karmic debt now to you. Hugs.

I went on a date today. It was nice. We saw Spiderman. We made tentative plans for Tuesday.

He's 6'2" tall! The tallest guy I've ever dated. I'm not used to the height difference but I like it.