It's one of life's most obnoxious ironies that the more you need help, the harder it is to ask for it.

Holy shit. Um, yeah. Damn. (When did I get so clueless?)

Hooray for the cast coming off, Zen! I'm sorry this discussion has brought up some bad things for you.

I also read something on Tumblr this morning about procrastination, and I'm surely oversimplifying, but it was about the fight/flight/freeze response.

If you're faced with a threat, those are the possible responses. Fight--get angry. Flight--avoid. Freeze--procrastinate. When you know you can't fight something or run from it, what's left is just freezing up.

I'm sorry this discussion has brought up some bad things for you.

Thanks. It's okay though. This has been simmering on the back burner for decades. I'm either going to deal with it or, y'know, just keep ignoring it.

If you're faced with a threat, those are the possible responses. Fight--get angry. Flight--avoid. Freeze--procrastinate. When you know you can't fight something or run from it, what's left is just freezing up.

My therapist said that there are 2 other slightly more complicated options: Submit, which is letting it happen but not fighting, and a 5th option that I can't remember the name of, but is basically Stockholm Syndrome -- you identify/align/agree with it to try to make yourself safe. I can never keep straight how those 2 aren't the same, but I have therapy tomorrow and she often has that chart out, so I can check.

So I may have made a strategic error. The cat who has been hanging around our yard, who I named Slink tonight? Who is almost absurdly sweet and affectionate for one whose skinny state suggests not a lot of regular feeding? Has been given food and water and affection and she has not left my porch.

I love everyone in this bar!

Srsly, though, y'all have had a front seat to the therapy and meds journey I've been on for over a decade now. It is 100% worth it. I've been lucky to find therapists who were a good match for me and to finally find meds that haven't pooped yet. I still struggle, so much, but I've come a long ass way from Bev having to drive 1.5 hrs each way to do my dishes for me.

amych, I don't see the issue! Welcome, Slink the yard kitty.

How is allowing a cat to choose you a stretegic error, amych?

Zen, you are precious and lovely and wonderful. You deserve care and healing. You also deserve to define what those mean for you.

Please keep dealing them out, WS. Because they're helpful, and you are worth the work, too.

You know, decades ago, I was in such a deep depression that I was convinced God no longer loved me. I would have told anyone else on the planet that God loved them, just not me. I am so thankful that I know how to get the help I need before it gets that bad now. But I do sometimes need reminders.

How is allowing a cat to choose you a stretegic error, amych?

I mean if you put it that way.

(I'm almost certain that we'll take in this cat IF we can't track down an owner and she isn't chipped and she tests negative for the kind of nasties that would preclude living with other cats. But until then, I'm trying to calibrate my expectations, and DAMN if she isn't trying hard to snuggle right on in there in spite of it all.)

(I mean, she's no Murderbiscuit, but.)

And I love that you care for us, WS, and want you to care for yourself too.

Yeah, I get that, Maria. I didn't have the conversation here for a long time, because I felt like it was more or less public, but I've decided that I need the social support from you all right now more than I need the privacy, and also I am no longer relying on people's donations for my daily bread and butter. But here is kinda still the only place I can, so I need to.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through your own struggles and I wish you luck with them. I'm here if you need to reach out privately any. But yeah. Do the thing. It's hard but worth it. I'm sorry about your relationship difficulties too. I'd actually wondered, without any real reason to, so I hope things work out in the direction they need to, whichever way that is.

I'm glad your brother's therapist can do the remote thing, Tep. Sometimes there are security concerns and they won't. Technically, my therapy relationship was termed mentorship in order to avoid that, so I did phone stuff sometimes (he was three hours away from where I used to live) and could still, in a pinch. It was sometimes really helpful. I remember a particular call, stopped at a rest stop on a highway, right before I was about to make yet another slate of questionable decisions, that was incredibly useful.

And Glam and Zen, please do take the next step. You don't have to take the step after that and start yet, just do the next thing. Do a little research. Make contact. Reach out.

Oh, and I meant to say, to the folks discussing the TH situation, I'm not involved, but I do not mind y'all backchanneling about it here at all, not at all annoying, and a good space for it, I think.

I am also in favor of more Murderbiscuitesque cat antics, so hey...