Really could have lived without getting two writing rejections today(contest entries) Not sure if I should try to write something else or slam my typing hand in a door really hard until I kill the urge. But I think it's official that "You'll see. Once you have a better attitude and Put Yourself Out There, it'll all happen." is not a part of my life, ever.

I'd do the door-slamming thing if some of y'all on here could come and kiss it better. Hmm, maybe Rebecca Bunch is a bad influence. I loved those stories though...it was easier to shrug off when I was submitting like "What the hell? It could happen." But this time I used time, effort, what really moves me thematically, a little craft... and ended up in the exact. same. spot. (You mean all those after-school specials lied?! I probably should have learned that before, too. Sigh.) More seriously, though, what do you do when your best isn't helping and you used all your "Damn it, I'll show you!1" getting useless diplomas. I think I'm gonna get in trouble passing out my "work" to strangers at the airport.(At least my ideas might escape, even if I don't

Sadly, I purged my too-small formal wear just a couple years ago in a basement clean-out, which is a bummer because now I could wear my amazing strapless black and purple ball gown from college again! but it is long lost to me and never to be seen again. And I had traded in all my office wear for post-covid sizes so I've been clothes shopping waaaaaay too much the last few months. Bad for the pocket book but good for the self-esteem, I guess. First world problems are my favorite kind of problems.

Yes I keep big tubs of various sizes of clothes….and I went through some of them and got rid of things I couldn’t see wearing again (some skinny jeans, etc) but kept some classic stuff. And have bought a lot of stuff too.

That said, the difference of 10 pounds is still the same size when I was my highest, but now that I’m at a low end, 10 pounds is two sizes apart (8 vs 4!)

That said, the difference of 10 pounds is still the same size when I was my highest, but now that I’m at a low end, 10 pounds is two sizes apart (8 vs 4!)

I don't have to deal with the capriciousness of women's sizes, but when I was losing weight every 5 lbs off was about an inch on my waistline.

Speaking of which, after the year-that-was my weight is up again. Not where it was originally but more than I want. I'm thinking about Ozempic because I don't feel like I have the same focus/discipline that I did the first time when I lost 50 lbs.

Part of the problem is that I'm actively socializing more now to bolster my emotional health but it's way harder to maintain a strict diet under that approach.

Meara thanks for the links. ..there are 2 locations near me that are recruiting so I might call and find out if I can do the trial.

I lost around 25 lbs the last year I was actually full time at the previous job. However I put most of it back on. Now I walk a lot (not sure how much because I changed to a pixel phone and lost my info when I switched from Samsung) but not that much. However I go up and down steps a lot more on the top stock cart and also lifting and moving things around. I know I'm stronger and have gained muscle and I think I've dropped a little weight. But I snack more.

When I lost the weight my waist went in and my boobs looked bigger because my stomach was smaller and it kind of freaked me out for a bit because I didn't realize I had curves like that and it was disconcerting.

Muscle is heavy, but it's a good thing. (rolls through thread topless. Has Buffista language quandary because she is not sure if she can streak if she can't run. Feel free to discuss.)

I am struggling with the death of my former neighbor, Lisa. We met in 1999 when she moved into her husband's childhood home which was directly behind the home I was moving into. Our sons were both 5 years old and became fast friends. We both had 2 sons and we raised them together, each treating them all as our own. Her son officiated my son's wedding. Bobby's wedding reception and the shower for his first son were held at her new home as they moved a couple of years before we moved. We celebrated countless events together. I am heartbroken for her husband of 31 years and the boys.

Now for the struggle part, which goes beyond the grief of a friend lost so young. There is a memorial gathering this Saturday at their home where we gathered so many times. Bobby, his wife, and my grandchildren will be there. It has been almost 3 years since I have seen them. His 3 year old was only 4 months at that time, and I have never met the 1 year old. We have to go. We love her sons and husband and need to go and hug them and express our sorrow. I already sent a text to my son, who I am sure is devastated, but of course no response. Not only will my son and his family be there, but also my DIL's parents who we also have not seen. Our three families were all close for decades.

I don't think I can approach them at all because his rejection would be too much for me to handle. If he approaches me, I am sure I can hug him and offer comfort for his loss, the same for her parents who were very close friends. Bobby met his wife at a party at Lisa's house where his wife's parents were in attendance. There is a whole lot of connection in our three families. I can even see myself offering comfort to my DIL's parents. But I am holding on to a whole lot of anger when it comes to my DIL, who was most responsible for shattering my family. Not that my son isn't responsible, but he remains my son and his pain is my pain.

It is just a mess. I have to go, not going just isn't possible. But how can I handle being introduced to my grandchildren. How can I handle it if we just attend and ignore each others' presence. The whole thing is just painful, all this on top of a young woman dying and leaving behind her loving family and friends. It will no doubt be a huge gathering as all our parties there were, so avoiding each other could easily happen. I hate all of this.

Sorry for the emotion dump, but I am really at a loss.

Oh Laura what a mess! Painful things happening when you’re already in a vulnerable/emptional state. I guess at least if you’re crying you can blame it on being sad about your friend. I’m so sorry.

((((Laura)))) I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, Laura. That's so hard. {{{Laura & B}}}