It wouldn't be so incomprehensible if he hadn't been so incredibly close and loving. We did everything together, even after he married. They wouldn't do stuff without asking if we wanted to with them. We enjoyed each other's company.

Seriously, it is easier for me because I do believe he will come back. His uncle thinks he has backed himself into a corner and isn't sure how to get out of it. He still lunches with Brendon's brother from time to time. Maybe he will contact me on my 70th birthday in February. It will be almost 3 years since he did so at that point. I believe it will happen at some point. Brendon is less optimistic, but that aligns with our personalities.

It is really helpful to be able to talk about it here since it is hard to talk to family about it without anger and tears.

Yeah, aw, that really stinks. Sometimes pride can be stupid.

Oh Laura. I think about you often I truly hope he comes to his senses one day soon.

Laura, I think of your family often and wish you the best. Not knowing why is awful. Sending mental mending glue.

Seriously, it is easier for me because I do believe he will come back. His uncle thinks he has backed himself into a corner and isn't sure how to get out of it. He still lunches with Brendon's brother from time to time. Maybe he will contact me on my 70th birthday in February. It will be almost 3 years since he did so at that point. I believe it will happen at some point. Brendon is less optimistic, but that aligns with our personalities.

I cannot believe there are adults who wouldn't be lucky to have you and Brendon. And I hope so much that your kid would finally see this.

My sister disinvited herself for awhile from family but that was meth. A few times.

I'm sorry, this must be mad to have no idea why. But you are both good people.

Enjoying some gingerbread coffee cake for second breakfast here. Happy non-working-Monday to all out there. Merry Christmas if that's your thing.

I followed smonster's lead and gifted myself clean sheets last night (as well as a mattress rotation, while I was at it) and had a marvelous sleep last nighth.

Laura I'm just mystified why anyone would not want you in their life, you are just such a kind and wonderful person. But family dynamics can be....complicated, I guess.

I had some really interesting conversations with my (half) sister while back in VA dealing with Dad's failing health. She and her mom have been at odds since she was old enough to get on a bike and ride away, and she's always pushed back super hard against strictures (both actual and inferred.) We were able to Rashomon a few scenarios, mostly just from her POV as the child and my POV as an adult (19 years older) who was told about scenarios by her parents but not physically part of them. And of course I have very clear vivid memories of her childhood with Dad that she doesn't recall at all because her parents split when she was only 5 so she doesn't really remember him being part of her daily life.

So many interactions that had looked totally reasonable and loving to me from a parental POV are remembered as manipulative and triggering for her. Also how sometimes she would describe an event of "non traditional parenting"[1] to her friends, and then to her friends' parents, and a situation would quickly snowball from loving discipline to "OMG that's child abuse!" Her audience definitely affects how she recalls and interprets some things.

[1] Background: my sister's mom is openly Wiccan and incorporated a lot of Animalism into parenting style. The "quack quack little duck follow me this way" was super cute when she was a toddler. Being barked at (literally) to heed and obey as a middle schooler did not go over as well.

Family dynamics can indeed be complicated. How things look as adults is so often a different picture. As a child how life is within our walls is all we really know.

Most wise council seem to feel it is a natural need for sons with new marriages and families to exert independence from a very close relationship and dependence on his parents. They did even live with us for a year after they were married. We were extremely close. Another school of thought is that his outbursts and rejection has put him in a corner he doesn't know how to get out of. I'm holding on to a hope that it is also a natural progression to remember that he had a really lovely childhood and loving parents and come back to the fold.

This also reminds me that it is a natural human thing to have a middle age crazy episode, which I totally missed being now old aged. I think I am allowed to do it late, right?

Oh of course! Mid-life crisis is less about chronological age than about having been in one stage of life long enough that you desperately want to just start over fresh.

Yes, I have been in this stage beyond long enough and am ready to start fresh. Good way to think about it.

I recently saw a man living out his middle-age crisis - driving along, little red sportscar with the top down (during a warm spell), '60s rock blasting, thinning hair waving in the breeze.