Kind of shallow, but not really, given that this is a big one, and, well, tempus fugit and all, but what should I do for my birthday? (When it was in the distance, I sort of hoped I'd want to make a big deal out of this one, but, like the election geek I am, I find myself thinking "if it were held today" instead of mid-September, it would feel more like an accident-a-versary than anything to festively commemorate, but it's in mid-September and mom's asking already.) Trying to leave aside the part where leaving a list of titles of things for one's mommy...kind of feels like a time-warp in addition to not trusting my own taste lately, anyway. When I was thirty, I got my tat.(Probably the most novel. Besides the first, of course, but that early surprise didn't turn out so great!) Maybe that's why my mom has never been the Super-Secret Plan type.(also, she's shy, but it's hard to tell when you meet her and she is looking to be social, but she works up to that a lot so even if some of you were closer, which I wish you were, sometimes, it's hard to imagine her...snagging my contacts and plotting or anything.) Sometimes I wonder what that would have been like instead of "Here is some stuff off your Wish List, which maybe we mixed up." or my dad's "I've known you your whole life, but not really...we're all dust in the wind, but cash always fits," thing. Which, a lot of times, is okay enough...I've always kind of known I wasn't "A party and a band, and a pink trans-am in the driveway," girl. But for fifty? Given that we're not all broke anymore? Meh. "Hey, I died twice.(Almost)) and I can really do without how my being the oldest of my father's kids and racking up big birthdays and making him think about *his own* death--trust me, I'm already making calls about the parade permits for that shit...not really, but he makes it fun to think about.

Even this goofy question boils down to "Why am I here when they're not?"

Bah today started ok but hasn't been great. I was going to go grocery shopping but picked the wrong time...there is a school right down the road and I 'm assuming that's why all the cars were lined up in a dead standstill on the road. (It's a side road so not many people go down it). There was another way into that shopping center but I nope-d out until later.

Then M's mom hit me up with "you can go and get $20 for my gas money". That is her idea of asking for gas money. I was like..?? and then no I'm not. I just got home. I don't think she needed it for gas money I think she needed it for cigarettes because she just got snippy about something and said "If I don't get money for cigarettes no one is going to want to live with me!" This is totally her problem and her money management problem and I'm not getting dragged into that drama.

and then I got a text saying 1 of 2 bins that are used for sorting certain things at Recraft are missing. Right before I left I took them to put things out and I know I put them back. I have a distinct memory of it and I even texted back Crafty Friend (who now works there and was texting me to ask what I'd done with it) how I had put them back and I got a text back "well the makerspace bin is gone." so I texted back how I put it back and more detail..I flipped it around because there was tape with a message on one side and the other side had the label for the bin. But I haven't heard back so don't know if it was found or not. I always make sure to clean up and put things back when I finish a task or before I go. And I'm feeling anxious over this limbo of wondering if it was found and what happened to it.

I also still have to go grocery shopping which I don't want to do tonight. Maybe it will rain and I can put it off until tomorrow.

sometimes it's the little stuff.

Yeah. I finally got texted back. A new volunteer borrowed the bin. And didn't realize it was needed to be there all the time since it was empty.

I applied for another job. I know my resume could be better but I'm just struggling to make it better. I'm tired of not having a job and not working. I mean if I was wealthy and didn't have to work that would be one thing. But I've been in this limbo of nor working and not really knowing when things would change for almost 2 years and i just want to have a job snd know when I'm working and have some feeling of ...stability or permanence? Not sure the word I'm looking for.

My car was making a noise that I couldn't ignore so I stopped at the mechanic on my way home from my hyperbaric appt. I was hoping they'd say it would be okay for a few more days so I could better plan to be without it, but no such luck. I ended up leaving it and getting an Uber home. Really hoping it's not going to cost a mint, especially given how many other expenses I'm dealing with right now and while I'm working half days (i.e. half pay).

askye, good luck with the job hunt. If you want someone to look at your resume you can send it to me today. Profile address is good.

Epic, best of luck with the car. I hope it’s as inexpensive of a repair as possible.

Epic, you are due for a break! Hope it's an inexpensive repair.

Car~ma for you, Epic!

Job~ma for askye! I'm sorry your mom is being so annoying and manipulative.

Hmmm, you do need to make a plan for the 50th, Erica. My 50th, almost 20 years ago, it was the year of the W&H shenanigans in LA. Good memories.

Heard from the mechanic. It's just a hose from the steering pump, not the pump itself, parts and labor will cost $400 and change. So, not as good as I hoped, but definitely better than it might have been.

Meanwhile, I took a mental health day from work today and just went to turn on the tv to discover that Spectrum is having an outage in my area, so no tv, no wifi. Maybe it's time for a little nap...