The person going to work should not be responsible for fixing dinner for the people who are home all day.

THIS.

I spent 90 minutes walking my mother through a Skype installation that takes >10 minutes. Bless.

Once, I was up at my mother's and she was talking about having bought a scanner. She handed me an envelope and I checked the disk inside; then I asked her where her scanner was and she pointed at the envelope and disk. I had to patiently explain to her that a scanner is a piece of hardware and what she'd bought was software that would, supposedly, make that hardware work better.

aw. Did she ever get her scanner?

Laura it's not all bad I mostly vent here but I do feel like we are weird tomatoes more than a couple. Although I don't think he feels the same way. His mom being here is the tipping point .

I have looked at the roommate or room to rent but it's either college age or early 20s looking for the same or sketchy. And I'm not ready to handle pandemic,work, and breaking up/moving right now.

I'm trykng to be more present and not just withdraw because I know it looks like I'm not trying to spend time together but...what I want to change would mean him changing a lot and I know that won't happen I'm just not ready to take the steps I need

Plus I want to try and dig myself out of a little debt before taking on more expenses.

He is not expecting me to fix dinner that is just his mom but she is very..if she thinks it she will say it.

Laga, that was the last I heard of the scanner ... she may have tried pricing some of the hardware and decided it was too expensive.

Toddson, I feel like that could happen to my mom.

Askye, it sucks that you're going through this relationship stage while everything else is drowning in chaos. It sounds like you have a clear picture of what's lacking that you need (and overly present that you not need). I hope your best path forward becomes clear too, soon.

I don't know the dynamics in your household, apart from what you share here. If it will cause more problems than it will solve, ignore this next thing.

Sometimes, when I read your posts, I wonder if things would improve for you if you found a way to say, "No," or to put back on Matthew's mom (or Matthew), the thing seems to be asking from you. I mean the kind of "No" that is simple. Not an argument, just a "No," or "No, what would be better is if..." Like -- with the shirts, "It would probably be better if you had Matthew do that for you."

He is not expecting me to fix dinner that is just his mom but she is very..if she thinks it she will say it.

If you treated this as if she just needs to think out loud, what do you think would happen?

That she is/they are upset, expressing a need, or wanting things is not your problem to fix.

Cindy, I try to push back with his mom but she will pout and whine and sometimes it's easier just to grit my teeth and deal with it. Also at some point a therapist told her she needed to avoid drama and his mom took this to mean that when she says something and people get upset then they have to be quiet or she will walk away because it's drama and she has to avoid it.

I did actually address this in a very calm, not heat of the moment, time. she was talking about how a friend reacted badly to somethign she said and tried to take the "I have to say whatever is in my head" excuse. I just used stuff I'd learned in therapy- she can't control the way other people react to what she says. What she can control are her words initially and her reaction to their reaction. and that I know from experience it can be hard not to blurt things out but I gave her some advice on how to try and change that. and then also gave an example of when she tried to stir something up with me and Matthew-- she had no clue what I was talking about and then when I gave more details just laughed at how funny the situation was (it was not funny). at that point I just gave up.

Plus she calls multiple people , multiple times a day, to talk to them and she will relate anything that has happened (this is an issue with Matthew) and so I don't want to be the subject of the conversation and try to just stay away from her reacting strongly.

I came home and there was dinner and Matthew had cleaned out the fridge.

We need a break from his mom, our trip to FL was going to be that break becuase she has no place to go and spend the night anywhere and we've had a few hours a lone when she's gone to church and then lunch but that was only a handful of times when that coincided with my Sundays off.

I was reading a column in the newspaper this morning and it seems that, while people aren't driving as much, many are using their cars to get some alone time. One said something along the lines of it's the only place they can get away from their family.

My husband and kids do the go for a drive thing quite a bit to take breaks. Me, I just turn on my Nook.