I never met my dad. I was super close with my grandpa, but I never really knew him as an adult, because he passed away after my freshman year of college. We were close in a way that didn't really involve talking, though. He took me places, and on walks or we had activities together, like vegetable gardening, or he taught me things, like how to ski or fish or identify plants, birds, and wildlife. I imagine as an adult we would have had conflict because he was very conservative politically (he hated Roosevelt and Jimmy Carter with a passion) and pretty racist.

As for my dad, it's complicated. We used to be close and he had a big part in raising me intellectually. But around 20 I realized that he is sicker than I thought and understood (living with mental illness+C-PTSD), and as the years progressed I slowly and painfully understood - well, maybe still understanding - that the reality that planted in my mind as a child had little to do with the reality that's really out there. He's displaying behaviors along the lines of schizo paranoia at times, but my parents are thinking that the kids shouldn't know so much about it (even as adults)/thinking it's not as bad as it is. In the last decade I stopped being so close to him, because I needed to live and lead my own life. I am happier since, but it still sucks.

Sometimes I think my own dad has kind of an affect disorder or some other emotional problem. he used to sort of act like I could "get it right" and he would be there for me, but now I think that isn't true. Stepdad was bipolar, which could be more like you describe, Shir.

I can't really speak to much on the dad thing. Mine died when I was 2, and I mostly grew up seeing dads as a somewhat scary alien species. My stepdad came along when I was a teenager but we never had much of a dad/daughter relationship. It is hearting to see what an amazing father TCG has become.

I'm super close to my dad. It was just me and brother growing up, and he was close to both of us in different ways. He took me bra shopping on my wedding day, as an example. Right now it's really really difficult to watch him aging, because he's not quite as all there as he used to be, and physically there are a lot of limitations, which is really hard for him.

Matilda and I attended a memorial yesterday for her friend Lucys' dad, Blake. He was only 56, died of cancer that he'd been fighting for the last three years.

He was such a great dad. His life revolved around his family, and he took such joy in it.

Really wonderful memorial with so many funny stories about him. Blake was the quintessential Cali dude. Skateboarding, surfing, snowboarding. (Like, he was snowboarding before it was a *thing* and then when it became a thing he was ranked 8th in the country.) Lean and tanned and blonde hair, and happy to light up.

But the flipside was that he grew up in a family of property managers and owners, so he went out with his dad fixing plumbing and wiring and carpentry from the time he could walk. Had a kit of 100 year old plumbing tools he inherited from his dad and used them on buildings with 100 year old plumbing. Had a thing for MGs and bought every dilapidated one he found and fixed it up.

He could fix anything anywhere, and he'd drop all his stuff to help his friends fix their stuff. Never walked past a debris box without finding a treasure. Lots of great stories by his family and friends but the last one was emblematic:

"This was the moment when I realized Blake could take any negative and turn it into a positive. We were driving in one of his MGs and the engine caught on fire. Just went up in flames. He calmly pulled over, and turned to me and said, 'This is great! My mom just got me a fire extinguisher two days ago!"

My dad and I shared some inappropriate coping mechanisms tonight. After a week at home recuperating, he was ready to walk to the pub. We went don the street to have 3 or 5 beers.

This 80 year old man can still outdrink me.

Oh, dads. I have a lot to say about my relationship with mine, but I'm not up to it at the moment. Overall, a wonderful man. I wish I had a better relationship with him, but he still can't even say he loves me out loud. I mean, I know he loves me. Still.

Not really in a place to talk about my dad right now. It's been a hard month and change.

I spent my entire therapy appointment this week talking about how to set a boundary with my dad that's going to piss him off, so I'm not a great source here.