That all makes perfect sense to me.

I just called back and talked to the friend who is staying with him, because my brother is sleeping. She (the friend) says that he seems to be hanging in there, but she also told me that she told him she's happy to drive him to the hospital. I asked her to have him call me when he wakes up, so I can try to convince him to go to the damn hospital.

The friend also texted me her phone number (I called my brother's phone, obviously, and she answered it), so I feel better having her contact info, and knowing that she has mine.

This is some straight up bullshit, y'all.

Rage and grief and fear are hard, and complicated. I am right there with you, with a situation in my family, and watching people I love make terrible choices in response to horrible circumstances is breaking my heart.

We were brought up to fix things, because our parents wouldn't. That instinct is hardwired. Boundaries are NOT us. We've got to learn how to make them, and then how to defend them, because the illness means that they will take everything we have to offer and want more. It won't save them, and it will break us.

Might it be better that it's his friends staying with him, that there's that little bit of separation, lessened chance of blowback from whatever shame he might feel after he's come out of the hospital? Everyone's going to have to live with the aftermath of this, but the effect on you is going to be on a different level.

I like your therapist. I especially like that she is telling you "Yep, appropriate emotional response! The person inspiring it needs to hear about it when they're strong enough; here's what to do with it in the meantime", that "Yes, he's sick AND he needs to be called on his shit".

In the moment, though, it's a mess. I'm sitting here with mine, and I'm thinking of you in yours, and wishing you grace and howling in the shower and any other non-harmful things you need to get through it.

And I just have to be okay with those 2 things co-existing.

This is so true and SO DAMN HARD

I'm really glad you have the friend's contact info. That makes me feel better.

I'm so glad your brother's friend is there, and that she and you can now easily reach each other, and that your therapist is 1000% supportive of your storm of feelings.

wishing you grace and howling in the shower and any other non-harmful things you need to get through it.

My primary coping mechanism is Good Omens fanfic, and I am not even kidding.

By noon, I had dropped the cat off at the vet, returned an author galley, washed/dried/put away 3 loads of laundry, changed the sheets, broke down a bunch of boxes for recycling and took them out to the bin, and swept a mountain of leaves off the porch. But I am so fucking tired. Just waiting for the vet to call so I can go pick up the demon cat.

My primary coping mechanism is Good Omens fanfic, and I am not even kidding.

(offers fistbump of GO solidarity)

Is that the "a moving target is harder for the emotions to hit" method of Managing All The Feels? 'Cause I practice that one!

Is that the "a moving target is harder for the emotions to hit" method of Managing All The Feels? 'Cause I practice that one!

Ha! Brain too busy; brain can't stop and process the stress; no time for feels!

We were brought up to fix things, because our parents wouldn't. That instinct is hardwired. Boundaries are NOT us.

This this this THIS.

Yes, be angry with him. You can rage and vent here, and tell him later, when he's through this crisis. BUT THIS IS NOT YOUR CRISIS TO FIX.

You deserve to be taken care of. Please believe that.

Has anyone else seen today's Captain Awkward? The illustration made me spit my tea, say "This seems appropriate!" and start humming the same little song under my breath.