Sophia, my coloring is similar to yours, and I often don't shave for appointments.

I don't know how to answer their questions.

I tell them I haven't had sex in X years and I'm not sexually active. Anything else they need to know, they can ask specific questions.

If you've taken a shower, I honestly think that's all you need to worry about.

That's it. They're there to take care of you, their opinion of your lifestyle is irrelevant.

I will be with you in spirit, reminding you quietly to speak up for yourself if anything makes you uncomfortable.

I also don't shave for gyno appointments. Even if they are judgmental, that's their problem, not yours.

Thank you Steph and sj amd Zen and Kate P. I knew I could count on the Buffistas when I am scared and nervous! It is sort of weird to have healthcare when you work with healthcare people and know how they sometimes talk about their patients.(Obviously not everyone!)

Happy to help. And good on you for taking care of yourself, Sophia!

Not sure if I should switch Penny to wet food so we don't have an issue. Different wet food do Penny but wet food.

After all Harvey's troubles and what I have learned about feline nutrition, I recommend canned food over dry. Dry food has to have a certain amount of starch included in order to attain the crunchy consistency - and as obligate carnivores, cats don't need starch. And there is one nutrient that wet food has that dry just flat out does not - water. Since cats developed as small desert predators, they are designed to meet most of their hydration needs via the bodies of prey. Their thirst instinct is not strong and will not always lead them to drink enough water to keep them in optimal health.

On the other hand, crystals in the urinary tract are less perilous for female cats than they are for male cats. Due to the way the urethra narrows in its path through the penis, male cats are at much greater risk for developing blockages. One of the vets at our clinic is about my age, so has been in practice for a number of years - she told me that in all her years as a vet she has only seen one female cat with a urinary tract blockage. So while it would excellent to switch Penny to canned food, it is not the life and death decision it was when I had to switch Harvey to it.

Re: Self Care - No sister of mine I will not pick you up on the other side of the state to bring you to NC with me turning a 10 hour drive into a 13 hour drive. I am more than delighted to have you come with me, but really you have to come to me first and we'll leave from my house. I even offered a compromise of picking her up half way the day before just adding another 2-3 hours driving, on another day at least.

eta: my most excellent son said he would pick her up the day before for me.

I'm considering becoming an asshole. It's quite a career change, especially at this stage of my life, but I've thought about it a lot and it seems to offer advantages that I've not had before, including absence of guilt or shame, a feeling of personal entitlement, and the ability to demand special accommodations regardless of their impact on others. It'd really enhance my professional resume. Best of all, it's free and you get the accreditation just because you want it.

Assholes unite, or something!

Apparently the best solution is for my son to make a 5 hour round trip to pick her up and bring her here. My brother has to work that night so he can't possibly drive 2-1/2 hours in a round trip to bring her half way. Although she has at least agreed to ask him.

I'm getting my hair done. Finally putting some red highlights into my naturally dark hair, which is something I've been talking about doing for at least a decade. I'm also seeing a new hairdresser today because mine is no longer doing hair. I'm hoping she does a good job.

Laura, that is ridiculous, but that is a good son you have.