Laura, I think you're doing an incredible job handling a situation which must seem impossible sometimes. Love to you all.

Laura, you're going through a lot. Please don't forget to take care of yourself.

I also have a couple of ideas to toss out for your son. I don't know whether he would be receptive. But it sounds like he may be realizing that something is wrong, even dreadfully wrong. If he doesn't want professional help, might he accept semi-professional or amateur help?

I joined two support groups after my breakdown, and they've been enormously helpful as I navigated all of the changes last year. No credentialed professionals -- just people who have been there. Both groups actively discourage telling people what they should do. (As a facilitator of one group says, "Nobody likes to be 'should' upon.") Rather, the emphasis is talking about our experiences and what did or didn't work for us.

A peer counselor might also be an option. A peer counselor goes through a short training period. But the peer counselor's main credential is Having Been There, not being the doctor that gives orders from on high.

Thank you, Fred. The one thing I am doing is taking care of myself. Through this I have managed to 100% stick to the torture system my nutritionist has me following for a month. No coffee, no tea, no wine, no grains, no CHEESE, and just about anything else fun. No matter what I get my sleep. As I tell DH often, it is the only thing I have control over in this life, so I am going to get/stay healthy.

I am trying to get him to get help, but it was a rough weekend. He found out he wasn't employed where he thought he was employed, and that led to tough conversations and him backtracking. He has now latched onto very bad influence girlfriend in a major way. One of his roommates is very active in peer counseling and mental health issues and she has really tried to reach him. She is the one who gave him CPR and saved his life.

I'm very discouraged at the moment. I wrote to him on Saturday expressing my concerns clearly, stressing him getting healthy, and I haven't heard from him since. His FB page and that of the GF are very upsetting. I'm afraid he has to fall hard which will end up either in jail or the hospital, but not really under my control.

Laura I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this I hope that your son will make even a small change that will start him on a new path.

Matthew's mom lives in Iowa I think. The house we are living in is now hers (and his dad's)and she wants to move back here. And in with us. She is on disability and has complicated mental health issues and can be erratic. Because of that I don't feel comfortable living with her. Also she wants Matthew to come and driver her down in like 2 weeks.

We talked and he is going to tell his mom if she wants to do this he will get her but it won't be until we can move and his car is fixed.

To make things more complicated Matthew works for his brother "informally" so on paper our income is less than what it is. We also don't have a 5 year rental history because of not actually renting places for the past five years but he has lived here and I've lived with mom for most of that time.

We also have 3 cats.

The good news is we can afford a place the problem is going to be finding a place with the cats and having a reasonable time frame.

Also his mom could change her mind. Repeatedly.

I'm sorry, askye. Having things up in the air so much is very stressful.

askye, I'm sorry. It is stressful and difficult.

In a not exactly unexpected turn of events his mom has talked to him this morning and now said she didn't mean she wanted to move home she only wanted to visit for a week or so and stay here. I guess she wants Matthew to drive up and get her and then drive her back. To Iowa.

We are still going to plan to move just not as quickly just to have our place and also not to be so much at the mercy of his mom's whims.

Yes, take as long as you can comfortably to move so you can save as much as possible. Glad she was just talking a visit. Drive to Iowa and back, hahaha.

I work with a bunch of kids. Not literal kids but I work with a lot of 19 or early 20ish young women who are freaking drama magnets. One in particular I wish would do something enough to get fired. Which I feel bad about but she was on Face time at the register in front of a customer. Then at the end of the day she had some kind of conflit with the customer, the managers on duty got involved, and all I know is that she grabbed another co worker and were in stock room and she was talking about how she handled the situation really well because she didn't hit the customer -- which was her first impulse. She was really really pleased with her self that she didn't hit the customr. And the other co worker was agreeing,

When I left I pulled one of the managers aside and told them about that just because it was just a huge judgement issue.

I just keep my head down and do my work and wonder how many chances certain people are going to get.

She and a few others treat work like it's a summer camp. They are always yelling and screaming and chasing or "scaring" each other. Or they are on their phones or complaining about being told not to be on their phones. And the employees from other departments will wander over. And all the shoe people complain about being told do their work and talk about how disrespectful the managers are for telling them to do their work or giving them warnings etc.

I don't really want to go to work with all this going on.