I'm sorry to do this, but I'm just super stressed and don't even know what the right thing is to do here. I am emotionally exhausted from my mom's surgery and the way that Tim's dad being in assisted living has turned into a HUGE emotional burden (also tangibly, too; for the amount of money he's paying to live there, why are *we* doing his laundry???) and, well, it's unbelievably soul-crushing to be in therapy to deal with how horribly my mom damaged me as a kid, while ALSO needing to be an adult and care about her recovery from surgery (which I do) and cheer her on, etc. So that's all awful.

And, look, I know what I'm about to say is the most ungracious whining ever, and you can feel free to say, "Seriously, bitch, this is NOT a problem so get over yourself." Literally every single weekend (except one**) from now through the beginning of August has some social event booked. Graduation parties, birthday parties, random parties. And it's just too fucking much. I cannot handle all of it, partly because now our weekends also involve Tim's dad AND they're going to start involving my mom, because she'll be recovering at home for 12 weeks, and my stepdad told me yesterday how when we visit, it boosts my mom's mood for days, so what kind of a monster would be like, "Yeah, fuck you, I know it helps your mood, but I ain't coming over"???

And I know, oooooooh, that's SUCH a burden, you have a bunch of parties to go to, people want to spend fun times with you, gosh, no one has EVER suffered like you have! I get it. I'm being a SUPER egotistical bitch here. But I just don't have the emotional energy for all of it. But one friend has already been like "You didn't make it to our last party, and you said XX date is good for you, so that's why we scheduled it then!" So, NO PRESSURE THERE THANKS.

I feel like ditching any of it makes me the worst human being in the world. Like, how hard is it to just go to a brewery and drink a cider and say happy birthday? But I think I'm going to spontaneously combust if I have to commit to social bullshit from now through the beginning of August AND shoulder the caretaking burden for 2 different parents now.

**So the only weekend that nothing has been planned is, for some reason, my birthday weekend. But that's also Pride weekend. And I love Pride, and going to it is important. And I especially can't emotionally handle Tim going by himself, because it might be Pride, but this is also a super conservative city in a political landscape where it's even more dangerous to be out as trans and I would die if anything happened to him. I *have* to go to the parade with him. That's not negotiable.

So. I don't know how to wrap this up. I'm just overwhelmed and stressed and I actually discussed all this with my therapist yesterday, who basically said "The world won't end if you don't go to social events because you need to take care of yourself. People can't make it to social events all the time. And if your friends or family members think badly of you because you can't make it to something, that's their problem. And anyone who plans their own party around your schedule seems like they're being nice and accommodating but it's actually kind of manipulative." And, okay, I hear all that, but I still feel like choosing to stay home is a horrible things and only acceptable if I'm very very ill. And otherwise, my choice reflects horribly on Tim and I don't want my choices because of my inability to cope to affect Tim's relationships with other people just because he married someone who doesn't have common courtesy.

What I'm saying is, I am having a very bad day. And the rest of the summer looks like it's all going to be bad days. I would like to run away so that no one fucking NEEDS something from me for the next 3 months.

Shit I Didn't Say: I DON'T NEED YOUR EX-WIFE TO TELL ME THAT YOU'RE KIND OF A DICK, I FIGURED IT OUT MYSELF WHEN YOU STARTED ACTING LIKE A DICK. MY FRIENDSHIP IS NOT SOMETHING YOU GOT TO SPLIT 50/50 IN YOUR FUCKING DIVORCE SETTLEMENT, YOU GIANT RAGING ASSHOLE.

On a related note, are there laws about emailing minors without parental consent? Because D's Friend's Dad (tl;dr, I'm friends with his ex-wife but not with him) has now cc'd both our sons into his insane email rant about how he won't allow our sons to associate unless we both friend him on Facebook to prove how neutral we are, because they are obviously both old enough to understand when "something" is going on. I was pissed off before, now I am LIVID and I kind of want to sic a lawyer on him.

Sorry Tep, we x-posted. You're not being egotistical, socialising is fucking exhausting, and you've got too much on your plate already! You are also clearly not the worst person in the world (or even close) because, see above, re: my son's friend's Dad, who is such an immature piece of crap I'm pretty sure he could run for President.

Steph, taking some time for yourself when you need it isn't selfish. Can you prioritize some, and decide which things are most important, and which ones would be OK with a "Sorry I can't make it, but happy birthday, and here's a funny e-card!"?

I still feel like choosing to stay home is a horrible things and only acceptable if I'm very very ill.

You are not egotistical, and you don't need to be sorry for feeling how you feel or for telling us about it when you need support.

Can you look at staying home as a way from preventing yourself from getting ill? Constant stress is not healthy. And anyone who can't understand that you're overwhelmed with Tim's dad and your mom is an asshole friend. It's okay for them to be disappointed, but not to guilt trip you over that.

You can't be any help to Tim, or his family, or your mother if you don't take care of yourself. If that means paring down things in your life to a minimum, then do that. If it means only going to events you'll actually enjoy, do that.

And your therapist makes sense. Try to listen to them.

What Jess and your therapist said, Steph. Socializing is not always the fun it's meant to be. Give yourself a break and say no.

And Jess, WTF is he on? How immature is this dude? That's so beyond appropriate and unacceptable. The kids can now see what an petty and immature person he is.

I don't necessarily have anything helpful to say, Steph, other than I Get It. I'm only just starting to get my schedule back after caring for (just) my mom (and job, and house, and cat, etc.) the past few months and I have to force myself to get out there more because I feel like I need to reconnect to people and activities that I've missed, yet I want to just stay in and continue to recharge (not to make it about me). So, I have no helpful advice, but if it makes you feel any better, I cringed in sympathy/empathy reading your post. I don't think you're selfish. I think you're an introvert and that you have to be aware of your own needs. I understand why you're concerned that it will be Too Much. I'm confident you'll figure out how to negotiate the next few months to maintain relationships while maintaining your sanity. Good luck, and Godspeed.

Re-reading that, I sounded flippant. I was being completely sincere. Stupid non-tone-conveying text.

Edit: Also kudos for bringing it here. I'm just realizing how much I shut down and retreat into my own head when I'm getting overwhelmed. It's all well and good for me to say I know I'll get support from the people here, but it's hard for the 'ffistas to provide support that they don't know is needed. So yeah, kudos.

I'm only just starting to get my schedule back after caring for (just) my mom (and job, and house, and cat, etc.)

Getting a new kitty was bad timing for me. But it's okay. It's stressful, but it'll be fine.

the past few months and I have to force myself to get out there more because I feel like I need to reconnect to people and activities that I've missed

I'm glad I went back to improv this class session, because it's good for me, but I'm also like OH GOD ONE MORE THING TO DO.

I cringed in sympathy/empathy reading your post.

We shouldn't be twinsies on this. It sucks. Well, neither of us should feel this way. We should be twinsies in not being overwhelmed.

Teppy, you are not being egotistical. Having to be on and social all weekend is hard for you, and that is okay. Also, it is completely socially acceptable to say, sorry I can't attend your party because I need to be there for my mother who just had major surgery. Also, please come here and rant or vent at any time. You have a lot on your plate and have had a lot on your plate for quite some time now.

Jess, that is a shitty situation, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. Trying to drag kids into it is extra shitty.

Tea: I also just looked at my calendar and realized I have something social every weekend this month including hosting Father's Day next weekend, and I'm filled with the don't wannas. So, I completely understand.