Hi my loves.

Bad day today. None of my coping mechanisms are working. Plan was to do computer work until noon and then head to the shop. Here it is, 4:30 pm, never made it to the shop, and I still haven't finished the first of two tasks I really wanted to complete. Needed to complete days ago. I tried using a timer, interspersing with household tasks, pushing through it, asking for help (thanks, Laura!), and finally meditation which turned into a nap. Still having an anxiety attack. I still have those two tasks to finish, plus homework to do for a business course I am taking. I cleverly bought the makings for an easy meal to prepare tonight and just the thought of cooking is freaking me out. I guess I might as well try a little Xanax, though that tends to knock me out.

Also, I really don't like my roommate, and I don't want to talk to him at all. My heart drops every time I hear his car honk as he locks it. It was his arrival home plus an accidental format fuckup of my web browser that sent me over the edge and into my room for quiet time.

Things I have done today: sent a couple of emails, finished folding and putting away clothes, swept under the sofa, put away clean dishes, made progress on Unpleasant Task #1, put a couple things on my calendar.

eta - sorry to come in and be all mememe all over the new thread. I just took a quarter Xanax and I'm going to take Frankie around the block. I may just do eggs for dinner - the other stuff will keep. And I'm going to put on some comfort tv while I work to see if the distraction helps.

Love and good thoughts to you, smonster. Sending you a bunch of my spare cope~ma.

Still here, still reading, still keeping thoughts of all of you close to my heart.

Also, I really don't like my roommate, and I don't want to talk to him at all. My heart drops every time I hear his car honk as he locks it.

Ugh, I'm sorry. Living like that is so stressful.

Hi Karl!

Love you, Nora.

Okay, I did the two things I'd been trying to do all day and started on another thing. The Xanax did the trick. I need to keep reminding myself that even my worst days now are better than they used to be by a long shot.

I went to work and screamed in an empty house. There were unexplained bruises found on Saturday morning. Because I would not be able to query the person's day program about possible falls or seizures until today, in the off-chance there WAS an explanation, AND things like that have to be reported immediately within business hours, I hauled my butt in to work on my day off. Since I this is the first time I have done this kind of report in my new position, I emailed my boss to let her know I was going to need to know how to do it. Her reply was essentially ways to get staff to say that there was some explanation that we just had not thought of yet, but if there really was no explanation, then yes I would have to report it to the county. Oh, and she was going to be in training herself all day, so she would be unable to assist. My reply that yes, there really have been no falls or seizures that would cause that type of bruising, and if they day program has no record of such (they have fewer staff, proportionally, so are even less likely to have eyes on a person at all times, so I was not counting on it... to put it charitably) - so yes, I did need to know how to report to county, got no answer. So not only did I have to wait for the day program to get back to me (and give me a lecture because they did not see the response to an email from last week, to which I replied in a timely fashion). And I knew I could ask my grandboss, she would know how to direct me, but she's up to her ears in everybody's stuff. I waited an hour for grandboss to call me back before I called a former supervisor who is the same level as my boss only over other locations. Aunty-boss gave me the information I needed, and I was on my way in half an hour. It did not need to be that difficult. I almost think my boss has too much confidence in me - she just trusts that I will figure shit out, and does not get it that when I ask for help, I frickin' want help. I don't quite know how to get it across to her except to ask.

smonster, I'm glad the xanax helped.

After leaving work, Daniel and I went out to lunch with friends then saw Guardians of the Galaxy 2.

I almost think my boss has too much confidence in me - she just trusts that I will figure shit out, and does not get it that when I ask for help, I frickin' want help. I don't quite know how to get it across to her except to ask.

Andi, that's so frustrating. Because it comes across as confidence in you, but in actuality it's poor management. She's still your boss and needs to help you when you ask for it.

I hope lunch and the movie made up for your frustrating start to the day.

We ARE Groot.

Yeah, I think to some extent, bosslady is also overwhelmed learning her new job. There are aspects of which duties are hers and which are mine that she is fuzzy on. When she was learning the lower-level management job, I was able to teach her a lot about policies and procedures that I knew from the direct care end of things. Naturally you learn what you have to about your own job then to some extent you can see what your boss is doing and you know what you need them to do in order to be able to do your stuff. So when you get a new boss, if they are willing to listen, you can teach them. But I can't help her now that she has taken a step up because I have not been in my job long enough to know the corresponding layers.

I fell while hiking and broke my leg rather badly just above the ankle. I'm in a hospital in Iceland waiting for surgery. I hurt and I'm scared and I'm nauseated from the pain meds and I want to go home. I've been a trooper but I'm exhausted and in pain and my roommate keeps turning her fucking tv up. And I'm hot.

Oh, Zen! Thank god you have the internet! We are here for you, trooper.