sj, your parenting is fine. It is, and please don't beat yourself up.

Today has been a MUCH BETTER DAY - at least so far. I adore my doc. I cried, we talked, I cried. We are going to shift from Citalopram to Zoloft over the next three weeks. Since that is going to take time to provide relief, she is adding Buspar, which I'm not familiar with.

Apparently she though I'd been taking Bupropion also, which certainly isn't in my current med routine. I don't recall taking it in the past. For now we aren't going to add that (back) in - will decide after my follow-up in a month.

We also talked about the lump in my chin/jaw. I'm getting an ultrasound tomorrow to see if I need to go to an ENT or Neurologist. She said she didn't see my smile as lopsided, yet that is all I see. Kelly noticed it also.

I treated myself to a massage after the doctor - lucked into an appointment with a gal who ended up being GREAT. I wish she was closer to home, but for the short term I'll make the drive to her until I get past all this tense shit. Doc also gave me the names of some therapists. Not sure if I'm up for that (bad prior experiences) yet. Will talk with our dear Bonny first.

Now that I'm home, I'm sitting on the back porch, enjoying a beautiful afternoon and am going to make lists of stuff that needs to be done from the house to self care to school and so on.

Suzi, I'm so glad today is better.

Hugs to all who need/want them.

It's been A Few Days. Between the "me too" posts (which are good! Just difficult for me to process, and I can't bear the thought of chiming in and doing one more piece of emotional labor), and work schedule bullshit, and Peanut being Very Much a Toddler, and having to deal with a creepy co-worker that isn't creepy enough for male managers to understand/notice, and our lack of social life, and possibly losing my insurance, and and and. Which isn't even taking into account everything else going on out in the world.

I need to go to a psychologist, I know this, but when I'm going to be able to schedule it and whether or not I could make regular appointments seems like an insurmountable barrier.

Juliana, that's a lot. I'm sorry. I hear you on toddlerhood.

Getting mental health help needs to be easier. Like you press a button and someone calls to make a home visit appointment. Or drive through therapy. Or a magic, here, try this therapist based on your facebook posts (personality matching). I don't know - it is just has so much on the person who is struggling and living in the land of not-coping.

What Suzi said. Someone make that happen.

Like you press a button and someone calls to make a home visit appointment. Or drive through therapy. Or a magic, here, try this therapist based on your facebook posts (personality matching).

Right? You'd think Kaiser is big enough that they could provide personality matching - like, "Here are the personality types of your current medical professionals. Which one makes you the most comfortable?" And then match you from there. And then that office can call you and set everything up. And they'd provide daycare at the office. Then, I could go.

That really should happen.

Getting mental health help needs to be easier. Like you press a button and someone calls to make a home visit appointment. Or drive through therapy.

That would be amazing. I've still never been to therapy, and I think half the reason is the difficulty of making appointments and meeting someone and deciding if you like them...(the other half being money, time, and sometimes not feeling like I need it)