Okay, I don't know if I ever mentioned this here, but I know I did on FB: the itchy/flushed side effect of Prozac finally subsided, and it seems like it's starting to help my mood. I just feel more engaged with the world around me than I have in quite a while. I also feel like buying new clothes, which I haven't cared about in a long time.

And the anxiety is dialed WAY down, though not gone. But vastly improved.

I think the Prozac is making me grind my teeth even more while I sleep (I already did to some extent), but I'm hoping that will subside, too. But I should get a mouthguard for sleeping.

So, fingers crossed that my brain is on the right track. Go, brain. Woo.

Yay, improved Brain Chemistry!

Cheers for Better Brain Chemistry!

Yay brain! I have been lax about using my mouthguard. This could be why I managed to dislodge my crown. I find myself grinding just sitting working. I should get a new one since my current one is kind of uncomfortable.

Hooray for better brain chemistry!

Tuesday I have to go for my first ever boob squish and a thyroid sono. All before 8am, which is just not a reasonable time of day.

I'm so glad it's helping, Steph.

I'm spiralling in a really bad mental state. What is happening to the country with the GOP and Trump is becoming a very unhealthy obsessive interest and I have yo stop.

I don't know how find a balance so I'm going to swing to the other end of sticking my head in the sand.

I'm spiralling in a really bad mental state. What is happening to the country with the GOP and Trump is becoming a very unhealthy obsessive interest and I have yo stop.

Personally, it helps me to not pay too much attention to 45 on a weekly basis.

As I've gotten to see him in action I no longer have unrealized fears about him (Is he a Nazi? Hail Hydra takeover?!) and it's clear he's a doddering, fucked up narcissist.

Everybody that tries to use him as leverage to advance their agenda (like Ryan or McConnell) gets burned. Because betrayal is what he's all about. He's happy to dance with Chuck Shumer and Nancy Pelosi if it gets him the attention he wants.

That doesn't mean that he can't fuck with lots of things, or fuck up hurricane relief or rattle sabers at Korea.

But he's no ideologue.

On the other hand, my sense of betrayal by large swaths of this country have just gotten deeper. It's clear to me that any fucking asshole that voted for Trump would have happily voted for the Nazi party. So that's a good third of the voting populace that are craven, anti-democratic, authoritarian, racist, anti-women, anti-gay shit-heads. And I don't want to have anything to do with them, much less share a country with them.

It's not just him. It's also living I'm MC where the GOP is undermining fair elections to keep their stranglehold.

And it's not even 45. It's being more aware of McConnell and Ryan and Meadows and Graham and realizing the extent of what they want to do.

On top of that is the feeling that I ve really screwed up my future but at the same time the choices I made have helped me. I have a hard time dealing with that kind of mental ..conflict. And realizing that I ve been emtionally/psychologically basically a 20 yr old and trying figure out how to navigate that and grow and got feel defeated.

Although I realize ibhave a hard time prioritizing things. Now I know why ...i have problems with executive function. I'm not lazy or willful my brain just works different so o have to learn work arounds and how to actually practice that, which is hard because of the executive function issues. It s just seems like an endless circle.

I need to see my Dr and talk about peri menopause and figuring out if I'm in it and how it's effecting me.