Oh askye, I'm sorry, that's so difficult, with nothing going to plan and everything feeling out of control. I'm so sorry. I hope you can feel better, and more like you have a handle on things.

We are having guests this weekend. I warned them ahead of time, it's supposed to be hot, our house has no AC, and the floors are an agility course of half-empty boxes and stacks of books mid-sort and shelve. Shelves are still being built, there's no way to clear anything effectively without undoing all the sorted stacks. So they know. There are paths to places to sit, and a porch with a breeze, and we'll go out to eat.

I will scrub the bathroom sinks and toilets and make sure the ceiling cobwebs are gone, though. Dirty dishes never accumulate in this house, due to unwavering vigilance, and otherwise, they'll have to content themselves with our company, and the opportunity to book shop, in house, as it were.

I'm sorry, askye. Do you have something you can do to help cool down (I think you've said you like coloring?)

Thanks for talking me through my freak-out about the landlord, everyone. I'm still not sure if the air conditioner is working -- I've got it set at 70, but the thermostat says 78, but it doesn't feel that warm -- so I'm supposed to call him again tomorrow to let him know what's happening. There was ice on the unit outside before, and there isn't now, which seems like a good sign.

When I was a kid, there were times that my mom said that I couldn't have friends over because the house was too messy, or that my friends could come over, but we could only play outside or in the family room, and I'd have to keep the door to my bedroom closed, because my bedroom was too messy. I remember trying to sneak into my room to get a game or book that I wanted to show my friend while keeping the door as close to closed as possible, so that my friend wouldn't see inside my room.

My room was a horror scene as a kid too. DH#1 was a neat freak and he forever corrupted me. Now stuff around me is generally in pretty good shape. My kids rooms were a mess, but that was their issue to deal with.

Our kitchen was always at least reasonably clean, and we'd never leave food out, and I'm still that way (unless I'm feeling really horrible, I'll never go to bed with dirty dishes left out), but I really just have no clue how to get in the habit of putting stuff back where it belongs -- or even of figuring out where would be a good place for each thing to belong -- and trying to do it overwhelms me, and I just shut down.

I'm sorry you had such a rough day, askye. I hope you are in the mend soon.

Aaaaaaaaaand now the bill for calmly handling things for my friend comes due. I'm having unwanted images of holding Harvey's dead body invade my head. I have a theory that big dramatic immediate emotional reactions facilitate processing events. I know that for me, being calm and practical during a crisis often suppresses dealing with the emotional pain. At least I hope it works that way for my friend - that her intense, paralyzing grief will allow her to recover her ability to cope faster.

ETA: I'm treating my own freakout with kitten videos and chips and cookies.t

I realized after my brother in law got annoyed at my sister for it that I also do this--sometimes I will leave cabinets or drawers wide-open. I don't know why. It's like, it takes half a second after you get the thing out to close the cabinet! But for some reason...

I used to leave drawers an inch or so open. My DH asked me to try not to do it, as it made him CRAZY. I had no idea I was even doing it and it was not that hard to stop, luckily Right after that convo, I went home and realized that my mom does the exact same thing.

Thanks everyone. I finally started feeling better. I still feel on edge. I really want to get my haircut but I don't have the patience to deal with that. I'm going to cancel my Drs appointment and try to get things done.

I leave cabinet doors open and so does my Dad. Annoys mom but Dad always left them open because when he was growing up my grandfather was a prison guard often on the night shift. If anyone in the house closed the cabinets during the day and work him up...he didn't hit but he would yell and demean everyone . My grandfather was 6'4" So physically imposing .

I picked up the habit from dad.

{{bitches}}

Cabinets and drawers left open makes me insane. I had more than one heated discussion on the subject with DH#2. Frankly, after he was gone I reexamined what was worth getting upset about. I am so much more chill.