I also definitely learned that letting anybody see a messy house is humiliating.

It shouldn't and it is horrible he made you feel that way. Personally, when I walk into a house that is absolutely spic and span I wonder if anyone LIVES there. I mean, sure, for certain things, it makes sense, but day to day - I LIVE here.

My cleaners were just here today and it is SO NICE to have someone else deal with all the cleaning stuff I hate. It also makes me be better at keeping the clutter at a minimum.

Hil, your last sentence. So much of my life stress.

ETA And Suzi. I just can't conceive how people live like that, without things and mail and a dish in the sink or a book left out. My brain won't comprehend it.

I also definitely learned that letting anybody see a messy house is humiliating.

I feel the same way. Our house is a mess and smells like a kennel, to boot.

Yesterday, Tim said that when we have our staycation, he wants to have a professional organizer come in to tackle the office (which is a horror out of the Hoarders TV show; I don't let anyone see it, although Hil, you probably glimpsed it when you came over for the GISHWHES photos last year, so if you saw it, you know what I mean).

Anyway, I was really surprised he said that. I had always assumed he was opposed to outside help, while I was secretly wishing we could hire someone. Which proves that I need to stop making assumptions and actually communicate with my husband.

I mean, the rest of the house is a mess, too, largely because we have too much crap in a too-small house with virtually no built-in storage, but that office is unfuckingbelievable. I have to make sure we follow through on hiring that professional organizer.

He also creeps me out a bit. Like, when he's here to check on something, and he needs to reach something that's behind wherever I'm standing, he'll often just reach for it without asking me to move first, and kind of trap me into wherever I'm standing. He's never done anything that's obviously inappropriate, but he's creepy enough that I really did not like answering the door with him there when I was in pajamas. (When he went downstairs to look at the fuse box, I quickly put on the nearest bra and actual shirt.)

He also creeps me out a bit. Like, when he's here to check on something, and he needs to reach something that's behind wherever I'm standing, he'll often just reach for it without asking me to move first, and kind of trap me into wherever I'm standing.

Ugh. That's terrible behavior, and he knows exactly what he's doing. It just has the veneer of plausible deniability ("I was just reaching for the shelf bracket!"). Ick.

I highly recommend developing the counter-habit of pivoting in such a way as to step solidly on his foot. For someone less likely to have the shoulders dislocate, I'd suggest the habit of flailing about with nice sharp elbows - a good jab to the solar plexis or instep followed by a nice, dry "oh I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were right there," might teach him to respect your bubble.

How big is your building? Are there other female tennants you might like to practice the strategy with?

He sounds awful, Hil. And even suggesting you could be attracting rodents is really out of line, unless you are literally in Hoarders territory with food waste.

There are just two apartments in the building, and the other one is empty now -- the guys who had been living there moved out, and no one new moved in yet.

When he was here, there was one plate on the floor in front of the couch, because I'd just finished eating lunch and I hadn't brought the plate into the kitchen yet.

I just can't conceive how people live like that, without things and mail and a dish in the sink or a book left out. My brain won't comprehend it.

I KNOW. My house was like that for maybe an hour today - with the exception of CJ's room. I've given up on his room ever being clean before he moves out, but when the cleaners come, I make him pick up everything on the floor so they can vacuum at the very least. It usually ends up on his bed and then back on the floor as soon as they are done.

Before I had the cleaners coming once a month, the clutter would just pile up and I'd have piles here and there. Hiring them, FOR ME, was the push I needed to keep the clutter down to a minimum.

But when I go to a friend's house that is more cluttered/messy than my house, I don't judge. A good friend just let me play in her costume closet and it took her honey moving a bunch of boxes and us squeezing into a room full of boxes, storage containers, and piles of things to get to it. But now I have a couple of fun outfits to wear for the small con next weekend.

Point being, how someone keeps house is not reflective of the worth of that person. There are TONS of reasons one person keeps house different from another. Using Teppy as an example, since she already noted it, they live in a small house, have tons of stuff, ADD makes focusing on cleaning a challenge (man do I know this one), and Tim is a collector of things that will be useful one day (drill press). If I were ever allowed in their house I'd be so happy for their company that the rest would be be a fuzzy background.