And now that my vision isn't narrowed to an angry point 6 ft in front of my eyes, I'm going to head out to the coast and try to have a nice time.

Have a hell of a time, Javacat! Free from rude and immature relations.

Therapy today. I felt like all I was going was rehashing what we keep talking about. I said that its just going in circles.

My therapist said it's like a spiral and with each time around you get more clarity. I'm not sure I believe that but it sounds better than going in circles.

Afterward I went back looking for clothes. The options ate limited in my size but I went to Cato determined to try on at least 10 things. I also asked opinion of the sales women. I don't love anything I bought I like them and think they were the best options. Considering I dislike the current styles and most of the color popular colors (or they are unflattering on me ) this is as good as it gets.

I also bought a pair of shorts that are shorter than I'd normally go for but they are comfy and I was feeling daring after watching the Thunder Thighs video.

I even tried on a bathing suit at Wal Mart . It had no built in bra support so I didn't get it . It was cute though.

Oh, Java, that's awful. I'm sorry about that, all of it.

askye, yeah, I did some of that too, and some of it was just me chasing my tail, but some of it did lead to more clarity down the road. Good for you on the shorts!

Java cat, I hope you have a wonderful time on the coast. I've written off a couple of my brother's children from one of the 3 women he had kids with. The others with the other women are still in my life. I tried repeatedly to have a relationship with them. One is even my godchild, but they were just too toxic. (and very much like their toxic mother) I deserve to be treated a certain way by family and friends, and at this point in my life I just don't wait very long before writing off the hopeless cases. You do not deserve to be mistreated by family. Walk away and don't turn back is my advice.

askye, I like the spiral notion. Also, good for you with the shopping success. I hate clothes shopping, and really any shopping, but trying on clothes is not fun for me at all!

Java cat, I hope you have a wonderful time on the coast. I've written off a couple of my brother's children from one of the 3 women he had kids with. The others with the other women are still in my life. I tried repeatedly to have a relationship with them. One is even my godchild, but they were just too toxic. (and very much like their toxic mother) I deserve to be treated a certain way by family and friends, and at this point in my life I just don't wait very long before writing off the hopeless cases. You do not deserve to be mistreated by family. Walk away and don't turn back is my advice.

Laura gives good advice. Sorry you're dealing with this, JC.

My therapist said it's like a spiral and with each time around you get more clarity. I'm not sure I believe that but it sounds better than going in circles.

That's really interesting. I hope it's true. it seems a good way to think about progress.

I'm not assuming that other people have photographic memories of the entirety of their childhoods. I mean, I'm sure some do, but they're the exception, not the rule. But tests using PET scans have confirmed that memory is impaired in people who've experienced trauma, in a way that's different from just not retaining everything with perfect clarity.

I am not in any way discounting what the research shows about trauma impacting memory, so please don't take this as commentary on that, Tep. I am not equating what I am about to say with trauma, as I had a good childhood overall.

It just bothers me that my memory is so horrible in general. I am missing huge chunks of my life — I don't think I could even call what I remember a highlights reel. It's embarrassing. I have often wondered if they will ever develop everyday, accessible treatments to stimulate the brain to be better at long-term memory. I would like to be able to recognize people are remember events from my past at least somewhat consistently.

I know you know, Pix, but I have to remind myself sometimes that the crappy memory holes are often due to ACDCADHD.

H sheds memory on purpose--he says he only has so much RAM, so he purges deliberately every so often. The notion horrifies me. I go all obsessive on remembering details and proper progression of events in a memory. I have a fear of losing details, because that would mean I have *failed* at remembering correctly. Which obsesssion of course gives him the wig. I don't know how we stand each other sometimes.

Huh, Bev, I'd forgotten about that, actually. Ironically? Hee.

I would be happy to just recognize my co-workers at the grocery store. If I see people out of the usual context, I stare at them like "Why are you talking to me, strange person! How dare you presume a relationship--oh, crap, you sit in the cubicle right next me, that's embarrassing."