Java cat, I hope you have a wonderful time on the coast. I've written off a couple of my brother's children from one of the 3 women he had kids with. The others with the other women are still in my life. I tried repeatedly to have a relationship with them. One is even my godchild, but they were just too toxic. (and very much like their toxic mother) I deserve to be treated a certain way by family and friends, and at this point in my life I just don't wait very long before writing off the hopeless cases. You do not deserve to be mistreated by family. Walk away and don't turn back is my advice.

askye, I like the spiral notion. Also, good for you with the shopping success. I hate clothes shopping, and really any shopping, but trying on clothes is not fun for me at all!

Java cat, I hope you have a wonderful time on the coast. I've written off a couple of my brother's children from one of the 3 women he had kids with. The others with the other women are still in my life. I tried repeatedly to have a relationship with them. One is even my godchild, but they were just too toxic. (and very much like their toxic mother) I deserve to be treated a certain way by family and friends, and at this point in my life I just don't wait very long before writing off the hopeless cases. You do not deserve to be mistreated by family. Walk away and don't turn back is my advice.

Laura gives good advice. Sorry you're dealing with this, JC.

My therapist said it's like a spiral and with each time around you get more clarity. I'm not sure I believe that but it sounds better than going in circles.

That's really interesting. I hope it's true. it seems a good way to think about progress.

I'm not assuming that other people have photographic memories of the entirety of their childhoods. I mean, I'm sure some do, but they're the exception, not the rule. But tests using PET scans have confirmed that memory is impaired in people who've experienced trauma, in a way that's different from just not retaining everything with perfect clarity.

I am not in any way discounting what the research shows about trauma impacting memory, so please don't take this as commentary on that, Tep. I am not equating what I am about to say with trauma, as I had a good childhood overall.

It just bothers me that my memory is so horrible in general. I am missing huge chunks of my life — I don't think I could even call what I remember a highlights reel. It's embarrassing. I have often wondered if they will ever develop everyday, accessible treatments to stimulate the brain to be better at long-term memory. I would like to be able to recognize people are remember events from my past at least somewhat consistently.

I know you know, Pix, but I have to remind myself sometimes that the crappy memory holes are often due to ACDCADHD.

H sheds memory on purpose--he says he only has so much RAM, so he purges deliberately every so often. The notion horrifies me. I go all obsessive on remembering details and proper progression of events in a memory. I have a fear of losing details, because that would mean I have *failed* at remembering correctly. Which obsesssion of course gives him the wig. I don't know how we stand each other sometimes.

Huh, Bev, I'd forgotten about that, actually. Ironically? Hee.

I would be happy to just recognize my co-workers at the grocery store. If I see people out of the usual context, I stare at them like "Why are you talking to me, strange person! How dare you presume a relationship--oh, crap, you sit in the cubicle right next me, that's embarrassing."

H sheds memory on purpose--he says he only has so much RAM, so he purges deliberately every so often.

I'm so literal that I can't understand how this even would be done. It fascinates me, but I also can't figure out how to rid oneself of memory through a deliberate act of will.

t shameful pedant RAM is processing, not storage

I have to remind myself sometimes that the crappy memory holes are often due to ACDCADHD

Oh, yes. My memory is very much like a random highlights reel. I'm in awe of people who have detailed memories of long stretches of childhood. For me, all but maybe about 3 hours of a year lived in Kansas City when I was 8/9 are just gone.

Rats! I was afraid I got the RAM thing wrong!

Steph, I don't understand it either. He says he just goes "I no longer need this information," and somehow just lets go of it, pushes it away or aside to make room for new information. He's always done it, since I first knew him. On one hand I sort of admire the ability, on the other hand, it kind of freaks me out.

It fascinates me, but I also can't figure out how to rid oneself of memory through a deliberate act of will.

It is like the opposite side of the coin where you deliberately tell yourself that something must be remembered. You tell your brain that this is something you don't need or want to remember. It is such an old habit it happens pretty fluidly. Of course, my memory is so bad that lots probably is gone that I specifically wanted to remember, but for sure the stuff I wanted gone is gone.