Example: I said to her, "X isn't expecting that project to be done this week, but it would be great if we could do it." I realize I was not crystal clear, but I did not mean go to heroic efforts to get it done today! But she did anyway.

If I heard that, I'd hear it as "The deadline is next week, but it would look really good if we could get it done this week. Like, really good. Really, really good. And if we worked hard enough, ie, you, it would be done this week. But if you're not up to the job, I guess next week is OK. But it would be really good if it was done this week. But it doesn't have to be. Technically." IE, "if you were competent at this job, you would do it this week, and we'll be disappointed if it takes you to next week to do it."

Yeah, Connie, I think that is what she heard. So definitely my Job 1 is being clearer, because that is not what I meant! I have a hard time with people who interpret my questions as statements, and it happens a fair amount. I ask "Can this be done this afternoon?" and actually mean that as a question that the answer could be no.

I ask "Can this be done this afternoon?" and actually mean that as a question that the answer could be no.

The only way I can think to ask that without an expectation would be "When is a reasonable time to get this done?" It's very hard to tell a manager "No" unless you know that manager very well. Maybe a variation of "I'm getting some hints that the higher ups would like this done this afternoon. Do you think that's reasonable?"

The only way I can think to ask that without an expectation would be "When is a reasonable time to get this done?"

Yeah, that's how I mean to do it. At least then it can be a conversation.

It's very hard to tell a manager "No" unless you know that manager very well.

I had a Program Manager that often heard NO from me. He would ask for completely unreasonable time frames, so we just ended up starting every response with "No...but I can do xyz by Monday". We worked together for years and I swear he would make up crazy deadlines just to negotiate what he really wanted. His wife LOVED that someone dared to tell him no on a regular basis.

I have to preface some things for H with, "This is an observation, not a request (or complaint)" in order for him to not interpret it as a request or a requisition. Perhaps "This is a question, not an instruction. I need an honest answer" would work?

Plus, if you ask the employee for an honest expectation of completion, you're getting the employee to "buy-in" on the project! (god, I hate business jargon, there are all these motivational posters around the building, and I stare at them and wonder why anyone expects us to take them seriously)

I ask "Can this be done this afternoon?" and actually mean that as a question that the answer could be no.

I would definitely consider that a directive more than a question.

Historically women in managerial positions would often try to soften the tone of their instructions by phrasing them as questions like that so they wouldn't be perceived as bitchy. Pure sexism, of course, but when I worked in offices I was almost always supervised by a woman (because HR) and there was that tendency to couch commands as queries.

I have come to realize that I have a similar issue where questions I ask are perceived as challenges when they truly are just me looking to acquire additional information. I don't know what to do about that.

Historically women in managerial positions would often try to soften the tone of their instructions by phrasing them as questions like that so they wouldn't be perceived as bitchy.

My old AMA coordinator is the one who used "feel free" to mean "I want you to do this, preferably today." And I misunderstood, because the rest of the world uses "feel free" to mean "if you want to do this, go for it, but if you don't want to do this, that's 100% fine too." That's softening the tone *too* much.

Also, I have no cake.