Poor Sue dad! Much ma to you!

~ma for your dad, Sue.

Hope Miss Erzabet is doing all right.

Sophia, that's a tough place to be in. You've got to go with your gut in a situation like that, I think.

and her expectation when she had me was that she would have someone who loved her unconditionally for forever and be very close.

Precisely why I was adopted when mine couldn't reproduce. Didn't take. Gave her a poodle. She dressed it up in little poufy skirts and hairbows and sweaters, and was sublimely happy.

Not...that I'm suggesting you get your mom a poodle, Sophia, you just reminded me what living with her pre-poodle was like. And yes, yes, *yes*, listen to your own atoms about this.

Yay, Theo!

I hope the move goes smoothly for your dad, Sue, and continued ~ma.

May all be well while you guys are in Geneva, Sparky!

I hope your afternoon was fun, Sheryl.

Sophia I did not intend to make light of your situation. My own mom had an unhealthily close relationship with her mom--the stepfather was abusive toward her mom and my Mom was terrified most of her childhood and clung to her mother. She expected the same behavior from me. The thing is, she raised me as infant and toddler to feel very safe and secure. I was fairly independent and adventurous, and she couldn't understand why I wanted to go play over there rather than sit on her feet and clutch her dress hem. She did a good job, at least until I hit adolescence. But she seemed to feel it had backfired on her.

I have such perspective on my parents now, and can cut them so much slack for things I hated and resented them for when I was young. I wish I could tell them so, now.

Ithanks Beverly! I didn't think you were making light of the situation. I have a similar relationship in that my mom really gave me a great childhood, and then didn't know what to do with adolescent me. I had this really horrible year in eighth/ninth grade where I couldn't bear my friends and I let them all go. I was so sad. My mom said it was the best year of her life because I wanted to do everything with her. And I am vaguely angry about that, but really I just want to navigate this without hurting her, because she did the best she could

I think my mother was similar, she really clung to her mom because her dad was crazy. The unexpected part was that I really was close with her dad because he had had treatment for his mental health issues by the time I was a toddler and we were each other's favorites!

So I probably won't listen to a therapist about talking to my mother, because it was really bad the last time.

You are the best authority on your own life, so I think going with your gut on that choice is smart. And therapy would probably be good for you to talk through all the other stuff. You can just set a boundary about not telling your mom.

Sophia, I know of a few Facebook groups where people who are meeting previously unknown family (mostly ones they've found through DNA testing) can discuss the issues that it brings up, if you want to talk to people going through similar things. (The one I know best is DD Social, but I know there are a few others, too.)

Thanks Steph. My whole last therapy experience went really badly- her husband had just died unexpectedly and I think possibly she needed therapy. She used to fall asleep when I was talking. So I picked myself up and thought... I don't need this. The EAP folks come strongly recommended by a coworker, and also I edited their videos for a course of ours and liked them

Hil, The Facebook groups are a great suggestion. I am so much better at processing things in text and away from actual people I might hurt.

Oh my. A therapist that falls asleep while you are talking does not sound...adequate. For anyone.

I so completely failed to do anything today (besides read) that it almost wraps around to feeling like an accomplishment.