her expectation when she had me was that she would have someone who loved her unconditionally for forever and be very close.
Whoa.
Yeah- sorry to spew my family issues all over the board, but my poor mom had horrible parents (who were actually pretty good grandparents to me) and I think all she ever wants in life is for someone to love her who is not super narcissistic (my grandma) or actually bipolar/schizophrenic (my grandpa). I think she was so excited about this baby that would be hers, and I sort of came out being my own person and that just threw her a lot. And I am her mini-me-- we are so much alike in looks and deed. But she never dated after I was born, she didn't have many friends after I was born and we lived with my grandparents, who took care of me all day and I was really close to. But she has expressed to me how jealous she feels when people on facebook talk about doing things with their daughters, like shopping or going out for dinner, which we just don't do. She brings up things I said as a teenager that were hurtful, but true, and acts like the thing I said is still true now or how I feel is still true now. She tells me I am cold and unfeeling, when I know I actually feel very deeply. And I feel so deeply for my young mom that I don't want to hurt her now. I want to pretend, until she passes away, that the relationship we have is what she wants and that is what I have been doing. So I feel like bringing this into it is just going to break everything.
Thanks for helping me work that out.