Good luck with that Gud.

Best of luck, Gud.

Gud, I don't know if your wife would be amenable to this, or if it would just make her angry that you would even ask her, but:

Tim has historically been kind of...let's say that providing emotional support has not always been a strong skill for him. Or any kind of skill at all. (For real, and I can share this because we both laugh about it now, one time I was really down on myself and asked him if I had any good qualities at all. His response was to freeze like a deer in headlights and then finally say, "Well, uh, you make really good scones." I was a wee bit devastated, because I meant did I have any good qualities to my character, like was I a good person, not a good baker.)

And here's the thing: Tim hasn't always been great at coming up with words of affirmation on demand, because not every human being is wired the same way, and that wasn't one of his natural strong points. So we had a conversation one time, when I *wasn't* sad and needing affirmation, and I told him what kind of things I needed to hear from him when I asked for affirmation (like, "You're a kind person," "You're a loving person," etc.).

And, for real, I wrote some of these phrases on index cards for him. (My depression was kind of bad at the time, it was pre-therapy, and I needed to figure out how Tim could give me the support I needed, so I figured that physical props would work best.)

So. I'm not saying your wife needs to write phrases on index cards (unless that would work for you), but is there any way the two of you could sit down when she's not being critical of you, and you could tell her that you absolutely want to support her the way she needs to be supported, BUT if she could help you out by telling you what she needs to hear, that would be great? Based on how you've described her, I don't know if she would be open to doing that, but it might be worth a try.

Because here's the thing: Tim has gotten a lot better since the infamous "You make really good scones" incident. The Index Cards Of Buster, You'd Better Affirm Me, And Here's What To Say were actually really helpful to him, and he's pretty good at being able to affirm me in the moment now, in the way I need, without busting out the index cards or flailing wildly for something to say and ending up complimenting my baking skills.

It was definitely work for him, and it took some time, but it means the world to me that he did that work. But it started with me telling him, "When I need affirmation from you, this is what I need to hear. Can you do that?"

Gud, I do wish you the best. I hope you will be able to find the help and support that you need. Also,

Now she's angry that I didn't wish her luck on her first day

SO and I constantly forget each other's birthdays, and have "oh, is it today?" for other important stuff. While it disappoints and hurts every now and then, it's nothing we would ever think to argue over or frown on - to forget and err is human, we are both Busy People, and we make up for it in other ways.

Heading to therapist shortly to work on some coping strategies on a variety of issues including how to support my husband's depression and anxiety without getting lost in it.

All the power to you, Nora. This is hard.

My wife suggested seeing a therapist for depression figuring that the hospital stay would max out my individual deductible anyhow, making it more affordable.

Yeah, if that's the case, lean on that insurance. I romped merrily through he medical system the past two years, when I maxed out my benefits with relatively minor surgeries.

If you have maxed out the deductible you may be close to hitting your out of pocket maximum. Your wife should check that for you. Once you hit that cap you pay ZERO out of pocket. I hit that 2 years. If you have also see how many therapy sessions ar covered and then go as much as possible.

For a whole therapy was like my job. I was going 2x a week individually and 1x a week for group. It made a huge difference and be open to intensive outpatient programs. Your wife might not like it but they can be helpful and a good step to help and isn't hospitalization.

I am 3 years out of being admitted to the hospital for psychiatric care from the ER. It's a lot of hard work to get where I am and I hope you don't hit the bottom that I did.

Gud - I hope the therapist works. I think that is a very good step.

My therapist and I agreed last week to stop my therapy.

Yesterday I was RAGING, I thought no lunch was adding to it, but nope, still would like to physically hurt (not metaphor) people today. And I keep crying, so this feels anxiety attack-like.

I've closed out my other social media screens just now, yell at me if you see me there before this evening.

I hope this is not menapause mood swing related. I've been have hot flashes recently, so it could be. I do not like at all not one bit.

Back of mind nagging underlying all this: Why do I talk and post so much, it's so annoying. Not needing hairpats just needing to brain dump it all so it'll stop cycling.

msbelle: Talk and post more! Here because I prefer to spend my time here. Better than punching people, probably. I don't think I had a lot of mood issues when I was menopausal, but it was a while ago. The things that seriously alter my mood are sleep deprivation, or hunger. It happens infrequently because I work hard to avoid those conditions, but my family notices right away and suggests I fix it.

Similarly to Hulk I operate generally with a lot of anger, always have. It just doesn't look like anger outwardly most of the time.

Yesterday someone cut me off and dismissed my CORRECT assessment of what we needed to do in a work situation and I wanted to leap over my desk at him. From our coworkers expressions, my face made those feelings clear. I have not recovered yet. Throat punches all around are warranted, I think.

So I'm staying in my office and have the radio on, but my mind is just spinning.