I'll get there isn't another husband who would forget that.

Not so, my friend! (Especially a husband who just got back from the hospital, IJS.)

Usually glares and not talking except for verbal digs.

I wish you could tune those out. Therapy for coping strategies! (IANATherapist) (Heading to therapist shortly to work on some coping strategies on a variety of issues including how to support my husband's depression and anxiety without getting lost in it.)

including how to support my husband's depression and anxiety

Because that is what we do! Spouses support each other, not belittle or abuse them.

Not going to say I have never gotten angry at my DH, because I am human! But it is rare, and either ends with regret because I was over tired and bad moody, or with discussion of the reason. Number one person in life is my life partner so being supportive is essential.

Then having made a small, sincere apology, it's on her to get over what is a very small error.

Helping her to learn appropriate coping strategies would be better for both of you than emotionally tiptoeing around afraid to make the smallest mistake.

There are always going to be mistakes.

I broke, or my husband broke, or they just broke by themselves, but my computer glasses are broken. My transitional lenses are totally annoying for computer work so I think today will be a housework day. Oh well.

I paid for one day shipping of new ones from Amazon for a $4 upcharge, but the chances of actually getting next day up here are pretty slim.

Gud, what's wrong with you sounds like depression. And it may be a bigger threat to your health than that infection was last week. You're on the road that I was on last year. Take it from me, you want to get off that road.

So I beg you, on my knees if that's what it takes, GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. NOW. Make an appointment with a therapist or a psychiatrist, call a hot line, find a support group, talk to a peer counselor, talk to your pastor -- DO SOMETHING.

My wife suggested seeing a therapist for depression figuring that the hospital stay would max out my individual deductible anyhow, making it more affordable.

I sent an email to one who actually takes my insurance (which is not easy to find) and is located conveniently. We'll see what happens.

Good luck with that Gud.

Best of luck, Gud.

Gud, I don't know if your wife would be amenable to this, or if it would just make her angry that you would even ask her, but:

Tim has historically been kind of...let's say that providing emotional support has not always been a strong skill for him. Or any kind of skill at all. (For real, and I can share this because we both laugh about it now, one time I was really down on myself and asked him if I had any good qualities at all. His response was to freeze like a deer in headlights and then finally say, "Well, uh, you make really good scones." I was a wee bit devastated, because I meant did I have any good qualities to my character, like was I a good person, not a good baker.)

And here's the thing: Tim hasn't always been great at coming up with words of affirmation on demand, because not every human being is wired the same way, and that wasn't one of his natural strong points. So we had a conversation one time, when I *wasn't* sad and needing affirmation, and I told him what kind of things I needed to hear from him when I asked for affirmation (like, "You're a kind person," "You're a loving person," etc.).

And, for real, I wrote some of these phrases on index cards for him. (My depression was kind of bad at the time, it was pre-therapy, and I needed to figure out how Tim could give me the support I needed, so I figured that physical props would work best.)

So. I'm not saying your wife needs to write phrases on index cards (unless that would work for you), but is there any way the two of you could sit down when she's not being critical of you, and you could tell her that you absolutely want to support her the way she needs to be supported, BUT if she could help you out by telling you what she needs to hear, that would be great? Based on how you've described her, I don't know if she would be open to doing that, but it might be worth a try.

Because here's the thing: Tim has gotten a lot better since the infamous "You make really good scones" incident. The Index Cards Of Buster, You'd Better Affirm Me, And Here's What To Say were actually really helpful to him, and he's pretty good at being able to affirm me in the moment now, in the way I need, without busting out the index cards or flailing wildly for something to say and ending up complimenting my baking skills.

It was definitely work for him, and it took some time, but it means the world to me that he did that work. But it started with me telling him, "When I need affirmation from you, this is what I need to hear. Can you do that?"

Gud, I do wish you the best. I hope you will be able to find the help and support that you need. Also,

Now she's angry that I didn't wish her luck on her first day

SO and I constantly forget each other's birthdays, and have "oh, is it today?" for other important stuff. While it disappoints and hurts every now and then, it's nothing we would ever think to argue over or frown on - to forget and err is human, we are both Busy People, and we make up for it in other ways.

Heading to therapist shortly to work on some coping strategies on a variety of issues including how to support my husband's depression and anxiety without getting lost in it.

All the power to you, Nora. This is hard.