I hope on Sunday you are showered with things you do want, and only things that make you deliriously, deliciously happy, Tep. Grown-up life really sucks sometimes.

The greatness of the Teppy is indeed such that, should her day be clouded or besmirched by such travails as grief or family caretaking, it must needs overflow onto one or more other days in order for the celebration as suits one so fantabulous. And we shall all rejoice, for the greatness of the Teppy is also a joy in our lives and any and every chance to celebrate her a happy one.

TRUTH

Getting what I want, even if it's my birthday, seems irrelevant.

It's not, though. It may not be possible, but you can still want what you want, and be disappointed that you can't have it. Your feelings can be about you and not everyone else.

Steph, did you tell Tim how you're feeling and what you want? Because you know your delightful man will be happy to shower you with candy and kittens and make your time-shifted birthday special.

t may not be possible, but you can still want what you want, and be disappointed that you can't have it. Your feelings can be about you and not everyone else.

Well said!

Steph, did you tell Tim how you're feeling and what you want? Because you know your delightful man will be happy to shower you with candy and kittens and make your time-shifted birthday special.

He was all "funerals aren't for the dead; they're for the living, family is important, etc., etc." and basically said I should go to the funeral despite me sobbing about how I feel like I'm being crushed under a huge burden. (And I don't want to make him sound like a monster here; he's just a huge "Yay family!" person, and wants to make sure that if I don't go, I won't regret it.) (Spoiler: I WON'T.)

And there is no way in hell I'm going to tell him I don't want to go to the Pride parade. It's super important to him and I'm not going to take that away from him. But it means that I have to go, too. (Look, this is Trump's America, in a conservative city, and while the actual Pride festival is safe, parking your car and walking X amount of blocks by yourself while looking like a man in a dress is NOT SAFE. If he goes to Pride, I go too. Shit is too scary right now to even consider otherwise.)

So, to answer your question...kind of? But also no?

I meant, tell him you want your special day, too.

eta Because what you want is just as important as family things, and also you are family.

I meant, tell him you want your special day, too.

Well, he knows that. But that's not in the cards.

I think Zen meant on another day.

Yeah, I am being rigid about my actual birthday, which is ridiculous as an adult, because stuff always coincides with it, even if it's just work (I always thought you should get the day off work for your birthday). I always think the actual date is important, but it's better for it to be a moving target.

So, yeah, I'm sure my birthday will get celebrated at some point.

I understand that. I'm pretty attached to my actual birthday, maybe it's a Cancerian thing. And I get irrationally upset when relatives call me on my birthday only to remind me that my grandmother passed away on my 16th.