The greatness of the Teppy is indeed such that, should her day be clouded or besmirched by such travails as grief or family caretaking, it must needs overflow onto one or more other days in order for the celebration as suits one so fantabulous. And we shall all rejoice, for the greatness of the Teppy is also a joy in our lives and any and every chance to celebrate her a happy one.

Re: anti-vaxxers - Oh, there was raging in backchannel. I feel like I need to apologize for tagging Nanita and meara - their knowledge would have been wasted worse than the proverbial pearls before swine.

This sounds like an occasion for an "observed" modifier. Teppy Day Observed can be on the first non-funeral day following the actual day.

That would work if every possible free day weren't already booked with something. This weekend is Pride. And what kind of dick refuses to go to Pride with their genderqueer spouse?

What we've been talking about in therapy a lot is getting rid of the old messages (thanks parents, you shitbags) that what I want isn't important. Except right now, every outside force is agreeing with that. I don't actually want to drive 45 minutes one way in the rain on my birthday to go to my uncle's funeral. I don't actually want to go to a hot, loud, crowded, sensory hell of a Pride parade this weekend. But who ditches their uncle's funeral? My dad will be pissed. And/or hurt. And going to the Pride parade is important to Tim. Getting what I want, even if it's my birthday, seems irrelevant.

There is a balance of getting what we want and being a shitbag to people we care about. Because sometimes we want to do what is best for our loved ones. eta: You are not being a shitbag for being honest about being conflicted! I've certainly done things I didn't want to with a side of resentment because it was the right thing to do.

Anti-vax is crazy making. Reminder to self to make appt with vet for the first day I get to Otter Lake because vets here don't carry the Lyme vaccine and I don't want Zoe to go a day without it in the Adirondacks.

My former co-worker was one of the smartest and most capable people I ever worked with. Flat out brilliant, and she would go into a screaming rage at the thought of vaccinating her grandkids. Her daughter did it behind her back and we had to witness her meltdown. Super smart, and yet bought into every single conspiracy theory out there. Vaccines, chemtrails, 9-11, Kennedy, seriously, all of them. Don't understand why otherwise intelligent people fall into this weirdness.

I hope on Sunday you are showered with things you do want, and only things that make you deliriously, deliciously happy, Tep. Grown-up life really sucks sometimes.

The greatness of the Teppy is indeed such that, should her day be clouded or besmirched by such travails as grief or family caretaking, it must needs overflow onto one or more other days in order for the celebration as suits one so fantabulous. And we shall all rejoice, for the greatness of the Teppy is also a joy in our lives and any and every chance to celebrate her a happy one.

TRUTH

Getting what I want, even if it's my birthday, seems irrelevant.

It's not, though. It may not be possible, but you can still want what you want, and be disappointed that you can't have it. Your feelings can be about you and not everyone else.

Steph, did you tell Tim how you're feeling and what you want? Because you know your delightful man will be happy to shower you with candy and kittens and make your time-shifted birthday special.

t may not be possible, but you can still want what you want, and be disappointed that you can't have it. Your feelings can be about you and not everyone else.

Well said!

Steph, did you tell Tim how you're feeling and what you want? Because you know your delightful man will be happy to shower you with candy and kittens and make your time-shifted birthday special.

He was all "funerals aren't for the dead; they're for the living, family is important, etc., etc." and basically said I should go to the funeral despite me sobbing about how I feel like I'm being crushed under a huge burden. (And I don't want to make him sound like a monster here; he's just a huge "Yay family!" person, and wants to make sure that if I don't go, I won't regret it.) (Spoiler: I WON'T.)

And there is no way in hell I'm going to tell him I don't want to go to the Pride parade. It's super important to him and I'm not going to take that away from him. But it means that I have to go, too. (Look, this is Trump's America, in a conservative city, and while the actual Pride festival is safe, parking your car and walking X amount of blocks by yourself while looking like a man in a dress is NOT SAFE. If he goes to Pride, I go too. Shit is too scary right now to even consider otherwise.)

So, to answer your question...kind of? But also no?

I meant, tell him you want your special day, too.

eta Because what you want is just as important as family things, and also you are family.

I meant, tell him you want your special day, too.

Well, he knows that. But that's not in the cards.