This year started out in the worst possible way, and is ending very differently. I couldn't have imagined it last New Year's Eve.

So, this year started jobless, evicted, and completely broke on Jan. 2. Left Stephen and Jake up in Fulton the same day we learned ita had died, and I drove back to PA in shock and tears and a whole lot of really complicated feelings.

But since then, through the generous help of so many of the people here and a woman named Claire who took me and Sara in, I got a full-time job at a French bakery, got many parts of my life in order (partly to separate officially from my ex, partly just to get things done right), found an apartment, adopted a dog, and started dating again (for very loose values of "dating" but also generally very much fun).

I've been happier this year than I have in many years, and I think I was sort of subconsciously preparing myself for this for a long time, because once I was doing it, it was a lot easier than I expected. Now that the dust has settled, though, I think it's definitely time to see a therapist (there's a whole big scary future to contemplate), but it will be more a proactive thing than damage control, I think. Given how frightening my depression had gotten in the past few years, that feels really good.

Ben and Sara are great, happy, and more understanding about all of this than I had any right to hope for. Ben started college and he contributes to rent, and although I sort of hate making him a grownup too soon, I'm also so proud of how well he's doing. Sara is as tall as I am, and keeps borrowing my makeup and shoes, and that's weird and annoying and also cool. She's a sunny, funny kid.

Still, some days are sad. I realized yesterday would have been my 27th wedding anniversary, and it was bittersweet. Navigating the holidays really daunted me, but we actually got through it with very little drama, which was reassuring. I don't know exactly where my life is going anymore, but I finally believe that I can get to wherever that is on my own.

My one real ache is missing ita so much, and losing Ginger on top of it is awful. I don't know how well I would have made it through this year without all of you, and like Suzi I'm very grateful to be part of this community.

It has been another year for big losses, emotional and spiritual hibernation, but also incremental progress towards something better. My big lessons for the year have been in gratitude, in acceptance (of who I am and the choices I've made), and in learning to bear loss without being quite so burdened by it. That last was prompted by ita's death, which I still haven't really processed emotionally, much less Ginger's. I haven't even really faced my sister's death yet and that was over 2 years ago now. Instead I have been slowly shedding off a long term funk that set in with her passing.

But hey, better late than never, right?

After not moving my body enough for way too long, I started taking Tai Chi and really like it, and Tai Chi led to more walking and stair climbing, and I recently heard from my stretch teacher that she plans to start up classes again. I'm planning on more exercise in 2016 as it makes me feel so much better. My career has been in hibernation mode too but that's been changing as well. And on the home front we are gearing up for a big ol' remodel that will, most likely, need to be done in stages but will eventually culminate in a house that feels much more homey.

I'm not big on new year's resolutions as such as I tend to crap out on them, but I really have sort of resolved to finish a draft of the novel I've been working on, fingers crossed and the good lord willing.

That is really beautiful, Amy

Loss is hard, Burrell, and you've had more than your share. And I am always available to cheerlead writing!

I'll need it, I'm sure, so thanks in advance

I still feel weird talking about this year but maybe I will just get it over with.

My grandfather died. ita died. Ginger died. These were the nadirs of the year. I was laid off, but I don't even know if I can even count that as a bad thing because it's probably for the best.

I...had possibly the most amazing year of my life, ever?

This is the year my "writing career" went into fucking overdrive like I could not believe. It's been unreal. I made 84 submissions and 12 sales (10 originals, 2 reprints). I had 6 stories out. I wrote 86k words. I finished a book. I wrote book reviews for Lightspeed. I helped launch Mothership Zeta. I edited essays for POCDSF. People kept asking me to do things. Stories, blog posts, guest-editing issues, people...just kept coming to me, of all people.

I attended Taos Toolbox. I had a Kaffeeklatsch at Worldcon, where I had actual fans who liked my work. I wrote blog posts that were featured on io9.

I made close to $3000 from writing, editing, reviewing, and participating in cons.

I went from being Nobody to being Somebody and it is so confusing and I don't know how to deal with it.

I also wrote a short play that was read at the SF Olympians Festival, and people liked it.

I made a lot of amazing new friends, and I drank a lot of milkshakes. When I think about this year, I pretty much only think of good things, and then the crushing Impostor Syndrome caused by good things.

Also...last week I found out I'm going to be an uncle.

Congrats on the impending uncledom, P-C! Also the writing successes!

P-C, you have worked so hard and it's so well deserved. Kudos to you!

Amy, I wish I could give you a hug!

I would love that, Kat. I will consider myself hugged anyway.

P-C, that's a great year! But remember, you were Somebody to a lot of people before this year, too.

This was not a great year for me. Emotions and issues don't run on a 12 month cycle though, so I am not cursing the year or celebrating the new one. I am going to try to be more present and take more ownership of my happiness, fuck the rest of the bullshit (even if that sometimes is my kid). I am going to try to be kinder, not so bitter and assholish (if you want to challenge me on that, I am not sure you have spent any time with me).

I love this place dearly. It is my only safe place at times and each one of you play a part in making it that.