Oh, yay, bonny, I am SO pleased you are...so pleased!!

My pleasure is undiminished today!

It's grey and rainy out and when I came home from a loooong day of work and errands (Macy's after xmas sale...whoa), turning on the salt lamp was my first priority.

Then, I had an unexpected client appointment. The lamp offers such a warm focal point for thinking/ruminating. Just lovely.

Todd, I love your screwdriver.

I just watched a youtube video where a lovely Irish gentleman waxed rhapsodic about it for TEN minutes. I just wanted to hear the sound effects (one is, "the wood setting", heh) but stayed for the detail.

This version is not associated with a Doctor and did not appear in the show. It is from a 'make your own sonic screwdriver' range.

I would choose this one over all the others, myself! I love the steampunk vibe.

As I'm unable to sleep and we are in the early hours of New Year's Eve, I'll see what I can do to recap my year.

Too many people left the earth this year. Our two gaping holes, a couple of work colleagues and, most recently, an amazing woman I've known my whole life. Her obituary in the SF papers was about a half page of newsprint including comments from Nancy Pelosi. I'm still trying to process that both Patty and her husband are gone (he died just over a year ago).

On the other side of the coin, there has been a lot of joy this year too. I decided to look into purchasing a home rather than reupping my old lease. I didn't think I'd have the credit or resources to make it happen, but it all came together and I love my home. MY home. It still terrifies me as it is going to take a while to rebuild some cash resources for any house needs (you know there is always something) so that is going to be a goal for 2016. I have two projects on the near horizon - a new back fence and 3 new windows to match the others I replaced in 2015.

My kids have had good years with both graduating. K-Bug got licensed as a Physical Therapist Assistant and has found a good job doing just what she wanted to do. She got through her probation with flying colors and will be moved to full time in January (she has technically been full time, but now she will get added benefits). CJ graduated high school by the skin of his teeth and got to wear a cord at graduation for all his volunteer service hours (had he turned the hours in on time he could have lettered too). He has started college, majoring in Fire Science. It is been a rough transition and he has learned a few hard lessons along the way. He starts the Fire Academy next semester.

My other joy has been my involvement with The Right Step - a therapeutic horse riding program. With CJ graduating out of his search and rescue team, I also "graduated" out of the parent group. I had been volunteering at The Right Step since January but once the Volunteer Coordinator learned I had more "free time", she asked if I was willing to take on more responsibility and become her assistant. So, since August I have been handling all the volunteer paperwork, presenting part of the training manual to the new volunteers, and then working with the horses and clients as I can. I'm loving what I'm doing.

Work is work. In May I will hit my 25th anniversary there. My project managers and I work together well. They keep me busy and are happy with my work. I've been on a bit of automatic pilot the last few months, so a goal for the 1st quarter is to kick myself out of that mode and really dig in.

Finally, I'm so very thankful to be a part of this community. You are all so amazing and I often don't feel worthy. When that happens, I try to think of all the wonderful things we have done for eachother. Random gifts of joy, lurkers who actually do provide support in e-mail, communal grieving, mini-F2F meet ups, and oh, so much more.

So, that is it. I'm on my night meds and pain meds, so hopefully this makes some sort of sense.

With the exception of one change, my life has been much the same as last year. Same job, same house, same cats.

Of course, that one change is quite the doozy . :)

After a process that took several years, we adopted the little guy in July. Parenthood has its ups and downs.(Like the times when he won't stop crying for no reason. Well, there's a reason, but we don't speak baby.)Still adjusting to the changes in our lives.

This year was weird. ita's and Ginger's deaths were the psychic/emotional equivalent of sucking chest wounds. But then I don't really need to say that, do I?

In the spring I went back on meds for anxiety and depression, which have helped, though I gained weight, either from depression eating or a side effect of the meds, or both. But I'm making progress on losing that weight, so yay.

Cincinnati got another Buffista resident when Hil moved here, which makes me so happy. Now we are 3!

I've learned a lot this year in my job, and it's been challenging as hell. My gig with one client ended, but the other client keeps expanding, so I have enough work to make up the difference. I'm not entirely sure working from home is good for me -- I think I need more human contact -- but I'm also not really ready to change things yet.

I walked two 5Ks this year (2 weeks apart, though that wasn't planned), and I plan to do more in 2016. Those finishers' medals are like a drug!

I generally don't make New Year's resolutions, because I tend to just make changes whenever I perceive the need for them, rather than a big kickstart January 1.

That said, I have actually set a goal for myself, in terms of mental work. It took buying a car to make me realize that I really do NOT believe I deserve good things. (I'll skip the thought process that got me to that realization, but it's actually, sadly true.) And I don't mean it in a Parks and Rec "Treat yoself" way (though there's nothing wrong with that, either). I even mean it in terms of my marriage. I don't think I deserve Tim. I really, really don't.

How ridiculous is it that I believe that about myself? But I do. I'm even having a SUPER hard time coming up with an affirmation to say, because "I deserve good things" sounds so presumptuous and entitled. Like, how DARE I think such a thing??? The best I've been able to do is "It's okay for me to have good things."

So my resolution, such as it is, is to get to a place where I really believe that not only is it okay for me to have good things, I deserve them. I don't believe that right now...but I do believe that outlook can change.

Wow, Teppy. I could have written something very similar. I look at my wonderful husband and my beautiful, sweet baby girl and don't think I deserve them or my nice home, etc.

It was a weird year here too. I had my amazing baby girl who is just a joy beyond words, but I spent most of the year pregnant and more depressed than I have ever been. I think it was mostly hormonal because it lifted almost immediately post-partum. Now I'm back on ADs and feeling much better.

It's hard to reflect on this year and difficult to see the happy parts too. ita's death really knocked me for a loop. Not just the reality of the loss, but a lot of unintended pushes to look at things I didn't really want to see.

But my year has been filled with so much good too. K and I got married February 6. We got a new puppy in March. Grace and Noah continue to be the axis of my world in most ways. I like my job though it is shockingly hard to do. And it's lovely to have our children at our school. I have had opportunities to spend time with friends and with family.

I also got off my ass and lost 25 lbs and began moving again. At one point, I had agonizing plantar fasciitis and I wanted to wallow in self pity for what a wreckage my body has become. But there was something about being happy that my body can and does move and knowing that I should celebrate that by treating myself better. As a result, I joined the Hogwarts Running Club and subsequently I have run/walked 17 races this year, mostly 5K distances but two were longer. I have logged a total 250 miles on Charity Miles, over 200 of them since October. It feels good to have my body working better.

For 2016, I want to keep running and I want to write more. I swear,I say that every year, but it's so damn hard to exert any discipline. I want to travel somewhere and I want to spend some time with my Dad before he gets even sicker.

This year started out in the worst possible way, and is ending very differently. I couldn't have imagined it last New Year's Eve.

So, this year started jobless, evicted, and completely broke on Jan. 2. Left Stephen and Jake up in Fulton the same day we learned ita had died, and I drove back to PA in shock and tears and a whole lot of really complicated feelings.

But since then, through the generous help of so many of the people here and a woman named Claire who took me and Sara in, I got a full-time job at a French bakery, got many parts of my life in order (partly to separate officially from my ex, partly just to get things done right), found an apartment, adopted a dog, and started dating again (for very loose values of "dating" but also generally very much fun).

I've been happier this year than I have in many years, and I think I was sort of subconsciously preparing myself for this for a long time, because once I was doing it, it was a lot easier than I expected. Now that the dust has settled, though, I think it's definitely time to see a therapist (there's a whole big scary future to contemplate), but it will be more a proactive thing than damage control, I think. Given how frightening my depression had gotten in the past few years, that feels really good.

Ben and Sara are great, happy, and more understanding about all of this than I had any right to hope for. Ben started college and he contributes to rent, and although I sort of hate making him a grownup too soon, I'm also so proud of how well he's doing. Sara is as tall as I am, and keeps borrowing my makeup and shoes, and that's weird and annoying and also cool. She's a sunny, funny kid.

Still, some days are sad. I realized yesterday would have been my 27th wedding anniversary, and it was bittersweet. Navigating the holidays really daunted me, but we actually got through it with very little drama, which was reassuring. I don't know exactly where my life is going anymore, but I finally believe that I can get to wherever that is on my own.

My one real ache is missing ita so much, and losing Ginger on top of it is awful. I don't know how well I would have made it through this year without all of you, and like Suzi I'm very grateful to be part of this community.

It has been another year for big losses, emotional and spiritual hibernation, but also incremental progress towards something better. My big lessons for the year have been in gratitude, in acceptance (of who I am and the choices I've made), and in learning to bear loss without being quite so burdened by it. That last was prompted by ita's death, which I still haven't really processed emotionally, much less Ginger's. I haven't even really faced my sister's death yet and that was over 2 years ago now. Instead I have been slowly shedding off a long term funk that set in with her passing.

But hey, better late than never, right?

After not moving my body enough for way too long, I started taking Tai Chi and really like it, and Tai Chi led to more walking and stair climbing, and I recently heard from my stretch teacher that she plans to start up classes again. I'm planning on more exercise in 2016 as it makes me feel so much better. My career has been in hibernation mode too but that's been changing as well. And on the home front we are gearing up for a big ol' remodel that will, most likely, need to be done in stages but will eventually culminate in a house that feels much more homey.

I'm not big on new year's resolutions as such as I tend to crap out on them, but I really have sort of resolved to finish a draft of the novel I've been working on, fingers crossed and the good lord willing.

That is really beautiful, Amy