You know what fitbit counts as tons of steps? Horseback riding!

I found my fitbit after it being lost for 5 months and, boy, do I get very few steps on the days I work from home and Bob is home to walk the dog. Yesterday, however, I went into the office and Bob is at a conference and I did 5+ miles easily.

Brain dump - moodiness whine warning

I am really ready to trade in my body. Anxiety seems under control after being back on meds for like 4 months, that's great....but now an ever present low-level depression is my daily struggle. I am on month 2 of tracking how I feel each day for the therapist. Scale is 1-5. 1 requires crying unrelated to specific events, 5 requires feeling happy regardless of specific events. It is a sea of 2s and 3s. No 5s. Only a couple of 1s (today is a 1, I despise crying at work, thank dogs no one really notices me and I can just sit here working on Spreadsheets).

I think both therapist and GP are reluctant to put me on more meds. This is a new development, the Celexa kept depression at bay last time. All I want to do is stay in bed. I sm deeding having to travel over July 4 to see family. I know I will be fine once there, will enjoy it, will enjoy them, but I cannot muster enthusiasm. Everything is exhausting, I'm exhausting. I am sick of myself and the negativity and blahness in my head. It doesn't feel right and I don't like this person.

tl:dr. - brain chemistry sucks, life goes on.

I'm sorry, msbelle. That's so hard. I hope you and your therapist can come up with something that helps.

I'm sorry, msbelle. That's exhausting.

I am playing one of my favorite games: "Is everyone else late, or was this meeting canceled with no warning?"

ugh, I'm sorry you're having to deal with that now, msbelle. Sending love! fwiw. I'm glad you have a team helping you even if they can't fix everything.

I feel like there's some sort of Game of Thrones analogy lurking in there, Dana, but I can't quite tease it out.

I took this morning off so I could be here when my mulch is delivered. I was in theory going to be working from home, and I will monitor my email but I think if nothing urgent comes sup I will just use some vacation time and relax a little.

((msbelle))

I wonder why I always want to call some candidates by their first name and some by their last and even some by their full name. There's the first name crowd: Hillary, Bernie, Jeb, Marco. Then there's the last name group: Trump, Christie, Cruz. And the full namers: Ben Carson, Carly F... however you spell it.

Brain chemistry is a poophead, msbelle. I'm sorry it's rough.

I took a sick day yesterday. I'm tired but feeling a bit better today. I'm just going to get done whatever I can, and then go home early to watch hockey.

Oh, you guys. I forgot it was bacon day in the cafeteria. BACON DAY IS BEST DAY.