BiL is super confident that FiL will be able to go up the 3 flights of stairs when we get there, and then when I asked what would happen next, his response was "...well, maybe we make it a goal that he leaves the house to do something every 2 days." This man won't even walk up 1 flight of stairs in his own house (nor should he, because he's super unsteady), but BiL thinks that he can magically go up and down 3 flights of stairs several times a week.
Oh, ugh. That's a lot of wishful thinking-slash-denial.
I can totally see having that conversation.
Aging parents are tough. My mom seems on the surface, mostly in command of faculties, just forgetful and anxious. But she went for a long time without cutting her hair or nails. (Like, my dad and I were starting to make Howard Hughes jokes.) My sisters tried reasoning, cajoling and arguing with her, and finally had to trick her into getting both done. She's now happy to get her hair cut, nails, NSM.
She also tries to hide when she's sick...which has lead to things like UTIs escalating to a point where they needn't have.
Jesse, that is weird and sucks.
I am in denial about my aging mom. She is only going to get older! Right now her younger brother/my uncle kind of makes sure she is actually doing things. There is nothing wrong with her mind or really even her body, except her knees right now. She just gets depressed and wallows.
BiL is super confident that FiL will be able to go up the 3 flights of stairs when we get there, and then when I asked what would happen next, his response was "...well, maybe we make it a goal that he leaves the house to do something every 2 days." This man won't even walk up 1 flight of stairs in his own house (nor should he, because he's super unsteady), but BiL thinks that he can magically go up and down 3 flights of stairs several times a week.
Does your BiL see much of your FiL? My sister had inaccurate ideas of what our parents could do for a while, because she only saw them once or twice a year (I lived much closer and saw them ~monthly).
If I said "no" to a trip, I'd be seriously pissed about relatives trying to force me into it. Especially if there were physical limitations they were overlooking or ignoring. When you get old and unsteady, stairs are darned scary. They may also be painful, depending on the condition of his knees. And if he falls and breaks a hip, your FiL could end up losing what remains of his independence. So unless your BiL wants to be the one who put Dad in the nursing home, he should back off.
I talked to the folks in Warsaw today and was very informally asked if I would be interested in taking the job I interviewed for last summer. Person in position is planning to leave, but hasn't officially resigned yet. They think they would want me to start in September. Exciting and terrifying.
Does your BiL see much of your FiL? My sister had inaccurate ideas of what our parents could do for a while, because she only saw them once or twice a year (I lived much closer and saw them ~monthly).
Yeah, he actually sees him at least a couple of times a month. So BiL is very aware of FiL's limitations. I don't get it. Except I do -- there's the element of wishful thinking, and eternal optimism, and...I'm not sure what else.
I talked to the folks in Warsaw today and was very informally asked if I would be interested in taking the job I interviewed for last summer. Person in position is planning to leave, but hasn't officially resigned yet. They think they would want me to start in September. Exciting and terrifying.
That sounds so incredible!
Super cool, Sue!
I get that it is a delicate balance between encouraging elders to do more and bullying. Mom went home from rehab and the last 2 days has refused to do her exercises. When the therapist comes to the house she will, but that isn't enough. Sigh.
Wow, Sue! That timing sounds great, too -- enough time to figure stuff out.
I swear, the more I hear about other people's families, the more grateful I am for mine. My grandmother didn't go to my cousin's wedding, because she was afraid it would be too much for her. I don't think anyone really even tried to talk her into going. We just missed her!
