Jesse, that is weird and sucks.

I am in denial about my aging mom. She is only going to get older! Right now her younger brother/my uncle kind of makes sure she is actually doing things. There is nothing wrong with her mind or really even her body, except her knees right now. She just gets depressed and wallows.

BiL is super confident that FiL will be able to go up the 3 flights of stairs when we get there, and then when I asked what would happen next, his response was "...well, maybe we make it a goal that he leaves the house to do something every 2 days." This man won't even walk up 1 flight of stairs in his own house (nor should he, because he's super unsteady), but BiL thinks that he can magically go up and down 3 flights of stairs several times a week.

Does your BiL see much of your FiL? My sister had inaccurate ideas of what our parents could do for a while, because she only saw them once or twice a year (I lived much closer and saw them ~monthly).

If I said "no" to a trip, I'd be seriously pissed about relatives trying to force me into it. Especially if there were physical limitations they were overlooking or ignoring. When you get old and unsteady, stairs are darned scary. They may also be painful, depending on the condition of his knees. And if he falls and breaks a hip, your FiL could end up losing what remains of his independence. So unless your BiL wants to be the one who put Dad in the nursing home, he should back off.

I talked to the folks in Warsaw today and was very informally asked if I would be interested in taking the job I interviewed for last summer. Person in position is planning to leave, but hasn't officially resigned yet. They think they would want me to start in September. Exciting and terrifying.

How cool, Sue!

Does your BiL see much of your FiL? My sister had inaccurate ideas of what our parents could do for a while, because she only saw them once or twice a year (I lived much closer and saw them ~monthly).

Yeah, he actually sees him at least a couple of times a month. So BiL is very aware of FiL's limitations. I don't get it. Except I do -- there's the element of wishful thinking, and eternal optimism, and...I'm not sure what else.

I talked to the folks in Warsaw today and was very informally asked if I would be interested in taking the job I interviewed for last summer. Person in position is planning to leave, but hasn't officially resigned yet. They think they would want me to start in September. Exciting and terrifying.

That sounds so incredible!

Super cool, Sue!

I get that it is a delicate balance between encouraging elders to do more and bullying. Mom went home from rehab and the last 2 days has refused to do her exercises. When the therapist comes to the house she will, but that isn't enough. Sigh.

Wow, Sue! That timing sounds great, too -- enough time to figure stuff out.

I swear, the more I hear about other people's families, the more grateful I am for mine. My grandmother didn't go to my cousin's wedding, because she was afraid it would be too much for her. I don't think anyone really even tried to talk her into going. We just missed her!

One of Mom's sisters was like with that wtih G'ma just in total denial of her abilities and loss of function.

I'd probably be bitchy Steph and want to tell your BIL "wrap up one ankle, on the other leg put a stiff knee brace where you cant't bend your leg, then wrap your wrists like they are sprained. Oh and put some weight in a back pack and sling it over one arm so you are off balance and then walk up and down three flights of stairs. If you have any trouble multiple that by 1000. That's what your asking him to do." But I know you or Tim can't do that.

I've been reading along, and like Jesse, I am extremely grateful that my 92-year-old father is still pretty self-sufficient. He goes very slow on stairs, but he still goes. He goes to the gym at the Y a couple of days a week and goes mall walking the others. He's not super spry, but he just keeps chugging along without any major health issues. He's just like a spring-wound clock slowly winding down.

If you have any trouble multiple that by 1000. That's what your asking him to do.

PLUS, FiL's eyesight isn't as good as it could be, because he has cataracts but refuses to get surgery for them. *My* Dad was ecstatic to get cataract surgery, because for the first time in his life he didn't need glasses (though he soon realized he needed readers, which was a weird experience for him). I have no idea why FiL refuses to get cataract surgery, but he won't do it, so he's having more and more trouble reading things and, well, *seeing* things.

It really is a recipe for a broken leg or hip, and THEN how in the hell do we get him back to Ohio? This is such a bad idea. And more than bad, it's just mean.

I suspect it all comes from SiL, actually. Her mother has dementia that is so bad she doesn't recognize anyone, and she lives very comfortably and happily in a care facility. About 12 years ago, as her mother's dementia was developing -- but she still knew all her family, was oriented to the day/month/year, etc. -- SiL decided they should take her to the beach. [See a theme?] And her mother was very agitated about it and didn't want to go, because she didn't want to be out of familiar surroundings. But what SiL did was show up the day they were leaving, and pack a bag, and cheerfully tell her mother "Oh, you've been looking forward to this; let's go!"

I also think *that* is a shitty thing to do to someone with dementia, but -- it was her mother, and before my time, so whatever. But I think that SiL is trying the same damn tactic with FiL. Except that he doesn't have the kind of dementia where she can just breeze in and cheerfully tell him he's been looking forward to this, pack his bag for him, and force him into the car. He has enough of his wits about him to know that's total bullshit.

Okay, so I secretly want him to just tell BiL and SiL to take a flying leap and leave him alone. He won't actually say anything like that, but when push comes to shove, I think he'll just Bartelby his way out of it. I hope.