BiL is super confident that FiL will be able to go up the 3 flights of stairs when we get there, and then when I asked what would happen next, his response was "...well, maybe we make it a goal that he leaves the house to do something every 2 days." This man won't even walk up 1 flight of stairs in his own house (nor should he, because he's super unsteady), but BiL thinks that he can magically go up and down 3 flights of stairs several times a week.

He's really reached the point of wishful thinking with their Dad. I know he would like his Dad to be more mobile and active, but the plain truth is that he's not. Forcing him to go to the beach is such a bad idea. Forcing him to walk up 3 flights of stairs is a horrible idea, given that he can't even walk up 1 flight at home.

I think if he gives in to the bullying and goes, he's going to be miserable and demanding, and make everyone else miserable. And I am going to stay out of it as much as humanly possible. But I'm also not going to support it by pretending I think it's a good idea, or being willing to drive him to the beach.

well, maybe we make it a goal

I tell you what, as soon as somebody else tells me what my goals are, never mind my desires/input, I do not want to do that thing. Doubt I'm the only one who feels that way.

Doubt I'm the only one who feels that way

Oh, god, the number of times I want to yell "You're not the boss of me!" in goal-setting meetings at work is very large. I have to sneak up on myself to stay on track to accomplish things I want very badly to do, because I have such a kneejerk response to To Do Lists.

Case in point. I just got a VM from my dad who missed my call this morning "because I was down watching the wood ducks. Which we have. Wood ducks, I mean."

OTOH I did get a text with his latest blood pressure reading at 6 this morning. BP, weather and wildlife report are his primary channels of communication these days.

My dad called me yesterday to ask how to spell a word, but instead of letting me spell it for him, he just started rattling off letters that went off the rails after the 4th letter. And it was morning and I hadn't had enough coffee, so I said "Stop! Stop saying letters! Let me spell it for you and you write it down!" But then after every 2 letters or so, he would say something like "Really??? 'R'???" Finally I asked "Don't you own a dictionary?"

A little sheepishly, he said, "Yeah, but I thought this would be easier."

I asked, "So...how's that working out for you?"

BiL is super confident that FiL will be able to go up the 3 flights of stairs when we get there, and then when I asked what would happen next, his response was "...well, maybe we make it a goal that he leaves the house to do something every 2 days." This man won't even walk up 1 flight of stairs in his own house (nor should he, because he's super unsteady), but BiL thinks that he can magically go up and down 3 flights of stairs several times a week.

Oh, ugh. That's a lot of wishful thinking-slash-denial.

I can totally see having that conversation.

Aging parents are tough. My mom seems on the surface, mostly in command of faculties, just forgetful and anxious. But she went for a long time without cutting her hair or nails. (Like, my dad and I were starting to make Howard Hughes jokes.) My sisters tried reasoning, cajoling and arguing with her, and finally had to trick her into getting both done. She's now happy to get her hair cut, nails, NSM.

She also tries to hide when she's sick...which has lead to things like UTIs escalating to a point where they needn't have.

Jesse, that is weird and sucks.

I am in denial about my aging mom. She is only going to get older! Right now her younger brother/my uncle kind of makes sure she is actually doing things. There is nothing wrong with her mind or really even her body, except her knees right now. She just gets depressed and wallows.

BiL is super confident that FiL will be able to go up the 3 flights of stairs when we get there, and then when I asked what would happen next, his response was "...well, maybe we make it a goal that he leaves the house to do something every 2 days." This man won't even walk up 1 flight of stairs in his own house (nor should he, because he's super unsteady), but BiL thinks that he can magically go up and down 3 flights of stairs several times a week.

Does your BiL see much of your FiL? My sister had inaccurate ideas of what our parents could do for a while, because she only saw them once or twice a year (I lived much closer and saw them ~monthly).

If I said "no" to a trip, I'd be seriously pissed about relatives trying to force me into it. Especially if there were physical limitations they were overlooking or ignoring. When you get old and unsteady, stairs are darned scary. They may also be painful, depending on the condition of his knees. And if he falls and breaks a hip, your FiL could end up losing what remains of his independence. So unless your BiL wants to be the one who put Dad in the nursing home, he should back off.