Steph is wise. Also, I really hope that your DW doesn't know what it does to you when you can't guess what she wants you to do. Does she? Have you spoken about it? If not, therapy or counseling could help you figure out how to tell her.

So Gud, this is my story with a lot of details left out. This Feb was a big fight for my DH and I . I planned a long weekend away - but he did not really look at the dates. and booked himself doing a favor for a friend one night. so - in the middle of this weekend he came home to do the favor. and then cam back

There were tons of reason I was angry, real reasons - and if I listed it all out-I'm pretty sure most people would get it

but in the end - I had to let it go. The root cause of this event - is the very generous nature of my DH. and that he is super stressed. It is possible something like this could happen again.

I can't change him. I can't really change me . We can communicate better. And as I say all the time - we are not one brain.

Hopefully, this is just one more bump. but you both need to figure it out

What they said, pretty much, plus an addendum, Gud. I'm a woman, and I've been taking my own cars to the mechanic for over 27 years. If your wife can drive the car, she can drive it to the shop. You both have things on your plates, and your wife is a grown ass woman who can take some responsibility for her own desires rather than dropping them on you, miscommunicating her level of concern, and getting mad about the result.

Any Chicagoistas able to help me with an emergency?

Today I get two wisdom teeth pulled. They need someone there with me to help me get home, but Anne just cancelled 'cuz she's sick.

I could cancel, but these teeth have been killing me for weeks. I think if I elect to not have general anesthesia, they'll let me drive home but I'd rather not.

I'd need someone there from 9:30 until about 11:00.

I think a lot of this is communication, which is on both sides. A number of times DH has perceived a "tone" or "look" or some meaning where there was none. I can be crushed by a poor choice of words when no harm was intended. It happens. Our perception is XX% internal and often not accurate. Communicate Communicate Communicate - and that often takes outside help to make it work right.

Oh, good luck tommyrot. Nah, they likely won't want you to drive home either way. I hope you find someone, but Uber if you gotta.

Ugh, good luck, Tommyrot! Sorry I can't help.

I don't always catch it when she says one thing and means another.

Speaking on behalf of all neurotypical people, no one always catches it when someone says one thing and means another. That is like the definition of shitty communication.

And honestly, maybe your wife is a great person, but it doesn't sound as though she is great for you. And you are worth caring about in this equation!!

Called the oral surgery place. They said if I only have local anesthesia, I can drive to and from the appointment.

So, boo for no general anesthesia, but yay because I want those painful fuckers gone.

I did it with local anesthesia and it was OK. It didn't hurt, but be prepared for a lot of yanking!

I was tipsy last night and almost posted some strongly worded sentences about Gud's wife. I am glad I didn't because everyone else said the things I wanted to much better. Ultimately, I want Gud to stop feeling so bad for such small things!

Gud if she wants to drive an older car so it will have more miles or hit a certain "milestone" that's her thing. She has a new car she can drive the new car. She can drive the old car to get it repaired.

If the car is unsafe and she decides to drive it knowing it's unsafe that is on her. That has nothing to do with you. You didn't make her drive the car. You aren't making her rack up miles on it. That's her choice.

She can also be all those things you said and be a bad spouse. Or at least not the right spouse for you. My parents have been divorced since I was 8ish. They actually have a very good divorce and are supportive with each other. Enough so that in short interactions people are surprised they are divirced. But get them together for more than 4 days and they push each other's buttons. There is all kinds of miscommunication going on and unspoken expectations of behavior that doesn't get met. Neither of them are perfect and they are good people they are just were not good as husband and wife.

I know we only get a small glimpse of what your life us like but no one is perfect and it's unreasonable and cruel to demand perfection frim a person.