I rarely come here anymore because I've allowed myself to get overscheduled with life, but this place just feels like such a foundation for who I am as a person that I don't ever even really miss it. I just feel like it's always there, just a background part of me. And I don't mean foundation in that it changed or molded me into the person I am today, or anything specific like that, though I'm sure in many ways it has, but just that it's always been a support when necessary. A place that is always welcoming, soothing, encouraging, knowledgeable, and helpful, and even more importantly: hilarious. Because it's tough to feel comfortable with the other qualities without the hilarity around to shrug off any formality. And ita was such an enormous part of that for me because she's such an enormous part of this board.
I have bunches of memories of ita, and I'm so grateful for that, even as I'm grieving that the world is now a little bit less for not having her here. But the one constant throughout my memories is that I could not stop laughing around her, like at all. To be clear, I laugh fairly easily, but she had a way of putting a person at ease even while she threatened and made fun of you that was just so charming. And just chatting with her briefly was usually all you needed to get dusted with a little bit of that sparkle all over again. She could make something as mundane as driving a person home into an adventure just by being herself.
I mean, she took me home to USC once by the most random roundabout route because she ignored my directions, got us lost, threatened to break my thumbs unless I told her how to get us unlost, and after circling back and trying to find where we went wrong (and being unable to), she offered to leave me on a street corner and declare it "close enough" to school, and that I'd probably learn plenty there for a lot less money, and then she didn't trust me not to be lying when I finally spotted (way way off in the distance, so she didn't see it) the one landmark near USC that is unmistakable: the glowing FELIX sign. What should have been a relatively painless 10 minute trip ended up being a hilarious 35 minute adventure, and I was crying-laughing the whole time. That's just the magic she had. (The lovingly violent magic.)
Ginger,
have you seen this picture from Nilly? [link] That was when ita was trying to show nilly how to punch.
Well, Alibelle, you did have a special gift for getting everyone lost. That's a lovely anecdote.
It was not my fault!!
It was just a weird everytime coincidence.
Hahahahaha! It WAS your fault. There was a force field of lostness around you. I remember you relating this story before. So funny.
Allyson just reminded me the other day about driving home after a charity event where we were lost AND got pulled over, that I had totally and completely forgotten about until she mentioned it. I just remember driving to the thing, and then the thing itself. That's the same charity event where I believe ita started the theoretical bidding war on a giant Battlefield Earth poster. Because the frame it came in was worth a lot more than the $20 opening bid.
For the record, anyone who's skimming, I did NOTHING to cause people to get lost. NOTHING AT ALL. i.e. not my fault. Though I will concede that it did occur with bizarre regularity.
Is this the place to mention that every time I hear "Uptown Funk" I think of ita? Just because the "too hot, hot damn" makes me think of her.
"I think I knew her--did she used to do krav?" Turns out she took classes with her for awhile years ago. Such a small world.
I have moments of feeling like everyone should have known her or at least known about her and other moments when I'm baffled by how she had the time to mean so much to so many. But that was ita, right? She didn't really do anything half-assed.
Just from the bruises alone there was zero doubt that she gave 100% to learning and mastering and then teaching krav. Likewise with her drawing and photography skills, she never stopped trying to be and do better. And all the while she was still creating her own other websites and working and living and posting and touching people's lives in a million little ways. How could we not be in awe of her accomplishments?
She managed to be fairly private but also seem like an an open book, she could intelligently hand you your ass, if needed, and still be one of the most welcoming members of any online community and although she was entirely capable of killing you with her pinky, she could still convey warmth and caring and acceptance. God, I'm not capable of 85% of all that... Not even on my very best days.
I hate that The Powers That Be dealt her such a shitty hand the last four or five years. I mean, shouldn't excruciating and unrelenting pain be reserved for the vile and the despicable members of society that offer nothing but cruelty to others? I can name at least 50 people, off the top of my head, that have to at least come close to deserving that. Certainly not ita. So Fuck You, PTB.
I'm angry that those closest to her had to watch someone with so much fight and life and promise slowly get beaten down by migraines and a medical profession that threw up their hands and gave up on her. So yes, fuck migraines and anyone in the field of medicine that offered her less than she deserved.
Mostly I'm just so incredibly sad that she's gone because I always believed that I'd check in here one time to find out ita had somehow, by some miracle, overcome the pain that plagued her and was teaching krav again or opening her own dojo or even that she was well on her way to taking over the world. I don't know. Something. The ass-kicking hero with the quick wit and sometimes wicked sense of humo(u)r doesn't die at the end. Even Minear knows that rule.
Anyway... Sorry for rambling - I just needed to let some of that out of my head in one of the few places with people that would understand. For those that were so much closer to her, I can't even fathom the heartbreak and grief you're dealing with right now. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Yes! Her never getting to get better seems somehow additionally grossly unfair.
