It was not my fault!!

It was just a weird everytime coincidence.

Hahahahaha! It WAS your fault. There was a force field of lostness around you. I remember you relating this story before. So funny.

Allyson just reminded me the other day about driving home after a charity event where we were lost AND got pulled over, that I had totally and completely forgotten about until she mentioned it. I just remember driving to the thing, and then the thing itself. That's the same charity event where I believe ita started the theoretical bidding war on a giant Battlefield Earth poster. Because the frame it came in was worth a lot more than the $20 opening bid.

For the record, anyone who's skimming, I did NOTHING to cause people to get lost. NOTHING AT ALL. i.e. not my fault. Though I will concede that it did occur with bizarre regularity.

Is this the place to mention that every time I hear "Uptown Funk" I think of ita? Just because the "too hot, hot damn" makes me think of her.

"I think I knew her--did she used to do krav?" Turns out she took classes with her for awhile years ago. Such a small world.

I have moments of feeling like everyone should have known her or at least known about her and other moments when I'm baffled by how she had the time to mean so much to so many. But that was ita, right? She didn't really do anything half-assed.

Just from the bruises alone there was zero doubt that she gave 100% to learning and mastering and then teaching krav. Likewise with her drawing and photography skills, she never stopped trying to be and do better. And all the while she was still creating her own other websites and working and living and posting and touching people's lives in a million little ways. How could we not be in awe of her accomplishments?

She managed to be fairly private but also seem like an an open book, she could intelligently hand you your ass, if needed, and still be one of the most welcoming members of any online community and although she was entirely capable of killing you with her pinky, she could still convey warmth and caring and acceptance. God, I'm not capable of 85% of all that... Not even on my very best days.

I hate that The Powers That Be dealt her such a shitty hand the last four or five years. I mean, shouldn't excruciating and unrelenting pain be reserved for the vile and the despicable members of society that offer nothing but cruelty to others? I can name at least 50 people, off the top of my head, that have to at least come close to deserving that. Certainly not ita. So Fuck You, PTB. I'm angry that those closest to her had to watch someone with so much fight and life and promise slowly get beaten down by migraines and a medical profession that threw up their hands and gave up on her. So yes, fuck migraines and anyone in the field of medicine that offered her less than she deserved.

Mostly I'm just so incredibly sad that she's gone because I always believed that I'd check in here one time to find out ita had somehow, by some miracle, overcome the pain that plagued her and was teaching krav again or opening her own dojo or even that she was well on her way to taking over the world. I don't know. Something. The ass-kicking hero with the quick wit and sometimes wicked sense of humo(u)r doesn't die at the end. Even Minear knows that rule.

Anyway... Sorry for rambling - I just needed to let some of that out of my head in one of the few places with people that would understand. For those that were so much closer to her, I can't even fathom the heartbreak and grief you're dealing with right now. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Well put, Nicole.

Yes! Her never getting to get better seems somehow additionally grossly unfair.

Ditto. Which is super lame, but there's really not much to be added to what Nicole said. I wish we could, as the Buffistas en mass, walk into whatever ER it was that ita usually ended up with and give all the doctors that gave her less than adequate care a good talking to. Make them see ita as a person, a real person, with hopes and dreams and aspirations, not just another person to be shut of one way or the other. Thinking about that sends me into "Hulk smash" mode.

Very well said, Nicole.

"She managed to be fairly private but also seem like an an open book, she could intelligently hand you your ass, if needed, and still be one of the most welcoming members of any online community and although she was entirely capable of killing you with her pinky, she could still convey warmth and caring and acceptance."

Thank you for catching all of this, Nilly. Especially the combination of the privacy and the kindness.

I just saw Deb's picture of her on Facebook and started crying in relief, because that particular picture was my memory instead of overwriting my memory. (If you see somebody with a floral name, it's me, and I friend back.)

Lush barely puts glitter in any of their bath bombs nowadays. How sad is that?