Ha ha ow. Oh, loves.
I just had a brief exchange (hijacking a Golden Globes gown discussion thread on TLo) with a commenter over there who had mentioned ages ago that she used to lurk here (long enough ago that she can't recall either the name or the email address she used), and she said:
I am so very sorry. You are all in my thoughts. I can't wrap my head around her being gone. I send my love to you and everyone else there. It's a special place and this is a hard, terrible thing.
Lurkers, silently lurking with love and compassion - as Hec once said, like the angels in
Wings of Desire.
I found it in COMM. Sorry to send you all searching. Thanks, Dana and Nilly. (Had I known Nilly was around, I would have just sat patiently and waited.)
Topic!Cindy "Coffee On My Monitor" Mar 31, 2006 3:39:51 pm PST
Nora: Is today Take This Job And Shove It day for shrift?
vw bug: That should be a national holiday!
shrift: OH THANK GOD IT'S OVER.
Dana: I think it was a little unfair that I had to miss shrift day, but I was out doing various things and shopping, and I got a very nice pair of pants for $8.50.
shrift: Okay. That was weird. A coworker told me to have a great weekend, and then told me to be careful. Twice.
Is there a hit out on me that I don't know about? WTF?
DXMachina: You know how in the movies, the cop who's three days away from retirement always takes it in the chest?
Probably nothing to worry about...
shrift: < STRAPS ON KEVLAR >
ita: Dana, with your shopma you're well set to stock up for the retaliatory rampage you'll go on while shrift is touch and go in the ICU.
Dana: I get to be the cop that doesn't play by the rules? Awesome.
ita: You'll do whatever it takes to see justice is done. Or more.
Of course, since I'm black, I'll yell at you, wave a cigar, and demand your badge, but deep inside I totally understand what you're doing, and once you're out of the office I'll put my job on the line to protect you from the higher-ups.
Dana: Sure, you understand my pain, what with all of the institutional prejudice you had to deal with while you rose through the ranks.
ita: And, you know, I envy you your relative freedom to operate as you see fit.
Dana: I know. If the world were a different place, you'd be right by my side, but you've played the game this long, and you're not going to jeopardize your position. I respect that, even if I'm never going to tell you to your face. But it's not going to stop me from blowing up half of the city on my quest for vengeance.
ita: If only you'd listen when I tell you there might be another way! I'm afraid you'll go too far, upset as you are, and I won't be able to help you anymore.
Man, I wish I remembered what it felt like to wear my gun in the field...or maybe I wish I didn't remember.
Dana: Look, man, I know you want to help, but this is something I've got to do on my own.
shrift: If it becomes necessary, Dana, I will txt for vengeance.
Dana: I'll prepare my epic "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" of loss and fury.
Dana, the discussion of the gowns of the women of Girls. She and I both self-deleted afterward, because (a) there were also email addresses, and (b) both T and Lo can be pretty strict mods and we didn't want to step on any toes.
Ha, my memory is pretty much wrong on every point! Besides remembering that that was epically funny.
Thanks -- I was just wondering about the WC people we used to know, and wondering if it was one of them.
Oh wow, clicking into old threads and seeing her posts...I was not expecting that to be such a gut-punch. I've been more or less ok seeing all the COMMs and Buff-dives reposted here, but seeing her name in blue at the top of a real post makes this all very much too real.
Allyson, no one is ever qualified to be doing the kind of work you and Kristen and Paula and Burrell, and everyone else, are doing. You do what needs to be done to the best of your abilities and you go from there.
I hate to keep bringing up my experiences, but the people who did for me what you are doing for ita's family were godsends. Even though I have drifted away from some of them, I am ridiculously grateful for the service they provided to Rob, and to me.
I love reading all of the ways ita touched our lives. The silly little interactions, and the grander gestures. Remember when her beloved Jetta died and she needed to buy a new car? We managed to find her the perfect one. I just went through the emails we exchanged and I couldn't help but smile. She demanded exactly what she wanted but she deferred to those who had the specific knowledge to keep her from buying a lemon. And we snarked, over so many things. Men in the auto industry, sleazy dealers, and I think there was even a Winchester reference made. Now I'm sniffling again. Bah.
Allyson, what everyone said. The one thing that matters at all is that the people who are there for ita's family are those who loved her. That is why they are thanking you. They are thanking you for the love.
Allyson, when I lost my beloved Liz on Pan Am 103, I felt spectacularly unqualified to be the one to go to Lockerbie. But, the family needed me to.
One foot in front of the other. One task at a time. One thought after the next. All with an eye to making sure to take care of yourself.
All the stuff everyone else says. They say it because it is true.
You are qualified because you exist, and because ita trusted you.
That is all there is to it.
