I don't know if this is at all helpful to say, Allyson, but denial, fury, and numbness are utterly natural reactions.
Willow: Yikes. Imagine the things...Buffy: No! Stop imagining! All of you! Xander: Already got the visual.
'Dirty Girls'
ita's thread
A place where we can talk about ita, miss ita, and share information about memorials. The hugging started over here in Natter.
-t - Jan 21, 2015 7:21:34 am PST #1013 of 3157
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration
amyth - Jan 21, 2015 7:21:51 am PST #1014 of 3157
And none of us deserving the cruelty or the grace -- Leonard Cohen
Your hair is so pretty, Allyson.
SailAweigh - Jan 21, 2015 7:23:35 am PST #1015 of 3157
Nana korobi, ya oki. (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.) ~Yuzuru Hanyu/Japanese proverb
Yeah, I tend to dwell in the denial and numbness for the longest.
Dana - Jan 21, 2015 7:24:03 am PST #1016 of 3157
I'm terrifically busy with my ennui.
All of those emotions are totally reasonable, plus any others you might feel.
P.M. Marc - Jan 21, 2015 7:36:38 am PST #1017 of 3157
So come, my friends, be not afraid/We are so lightly here/It is in love that we are made; In love we disappear
Denial, fury, and numbness and going through the motions got me through one of my best friends' unexpected death at 39. Sometimes, even after all these years, they still crop up.
Michele T. - Jan 21, 2015 8:33:20 am PST #1018 of 3157
with a gleam in my eye, and an almost airtight alibi
Denial can get you through some really bad times.
Msbelle told me the bad news last week, and I read through the Natter thread and the first 100 posts of this, and I said I was going to come back and post, and I just let denial work for me, too. Weirdly, ita is the second person I knew through online fandom to die suddenly and way too young in the last six months, and it's a lot. But I wanted to come by and add my sorrow to the pile here as well. I haven't been around for a while, but I worked closely with ita to design and build this place, and she was a presence to be reckoned with. She'll be missed.
Allyson, you have dealt with a lot, and with grace, and whatever strength I can send you and the rest of the LA crew telepathically, consider it sent.
JZ - Jan 21, 2015 8:57:02 am PST #1019 of 3157
See? I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me what a bad person I am and nobody did, because I fuckin' rule.
So many vibes to you, Allyson, and so much love to Dr. and Mr. Anderson. Your hair is exceptionally lovely.
Michele T! So good to see your pixels again. I'm so sorry ita is your second recent loss. It's monstrously wrong. I keep wanting to find the power center and smash it. There's another timeline with her in it, and it has to be better than this.
WindSparrow - Jan 21, 2015 9:17:36 am PST #1020 of 3157
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
Such pretty hair, Allyson.
Burrell - Jan 21, 2015 9:25:31 am PST #1021 of 3157
Why did Darth Vader cross the road? To get to the Dark Side!
It was really important to me to watch the coroner for some reason. Standing guard? Making sure they didn't knock her about? Or maybe I just needed to see that it was real. Mostly though just numb and sad.
-t - Jan 21, 2015 9:36:51 am PST #1022 of 3157
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration
It's a mitzvah that can never be repaid, Burrell.