Yikes, Steph! I have no advice on how to quit, but I think you should do whatever you need to do to feel safe.

In other news, rumors of Betty White's death were greatly exaggerated, but it looks like the Joan Rivers news is real.

Yeah, Steph, you can just quit. "I wanted to help out Tim's wonderful organization, but I just can't do it anymore, sorry."

And you ought to mention that you don't feel safe the way it's done now, because that ought to change whoever is doing it.

I did, and the chair said, "Well, get some mace. And maybe an airhorn." I guess that's better than nothing, but it doesn't make me feel safe.

I just feel like I can't quit. Because they'll have to find a replacement, and it was hard enough to con me into doing it. And if they can't find a replacement, then they won't be able to have a library for the members. (WHO NEVER RETURN BOOKS.)

Steph, just say increased work and family obligations mandate you stepping down as of X date; you've welcomed being able to help their org in your capacity, and offer best wishes for their continued success in the future.

Write it in an email; cc the board. If they come back with pleading or "lessened duties," just write back, "This is a decision I have had to make after weighing my obligations. I'm sure you can find an excellent replacement for me."

Have you talked to Tim about it? As long as he gets it and supports you, fuck it.

"I'm very sorry, but current circumstances make it so I will not be able to fill this position any longer." Repeat till they stop bothering you about it, with the variant of, "No, I simply cannot do it any longer." Miss Manners will tell you that you don't have to provide an explanation.

You CAN just quit. And should. If they don't take your safety concerns seriously enough, fuck their library issues. (And as a bibliophile, I don't say this lightly.)

Strix is right. If they can't sustain their own library, that's their own problem. It's not a problem you have to take on if you don't want to.

Have you talked to Tim about it? As long as he gets it and supports you, fuck it.

I've mentioned it to him. And he gets it (the safety thing actually freaked him out, too), and will support whatever I decide, but when I said "I feel like I'm stuck doing this forever because if I leave it reflects badly on you," he said, "Yeah, that sucks." And I wasn't sure if it was a "Your situation sucks, so do what you need to do," or a "Yeah, it does reflect badly on me, so you're stuck doing this forever, which sucks."

I, uh, could use my words and ask him to clarify, huh? (But I'm pretty damn sure he doesn't care if my need to quit reflects on him.)

I know he'll support whatever I decide. I just feel like a jerk trying to leave. Which makes me the ideal volunteer -- I'll NEVER leave because of guilt!

I'm willing to stick it out through this next year (meetings start this month and go through May 2015 [also, there are no meetings in November and December, so there are only 7 meetings in a year]), because advance notice would give them enough time to find a replacement.

Question: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being "I'd rather eat my own eyeballs," how miserable is doing this making you?

I'm willing to stick it out through this next year (meetings start this month and go through May 2015

Well, that's a lot of time for them to find someone else! Very generous of you.

My dad is the same way, feeling like he has to volunteer for stuff and then can't quit doing it. But it's not up to you (or him) to make sure this stuff gets done. The organization has to figure that out at some point. And if they have to do without that service for a little while, that is not the end of the world.

The safety issue needs to be addressed. That is not okay.