To be fair, I think Rick was just offering the token "hey". I was about to, but he beat me to it.

No, I'm sure we are a pain in the ass. And for those editors who have to deal with academics rather than normal people, it must be worse.

But it can't pass without a Hey! in protest.

Unrelatedly, how does one quit a volunteer position? Like, if you're volunteering for an organization that your husband is on the board of?

I took over as librarian for the ADD group because the chair basically begged me to. I really, REALLY don't like doing it. And now she's emailing me things like "You need to send me a list TONIGHT of all the books in the library and which ones are missing, along with your recommendations of which ones need replaced and what new books we should buy."

Back the truck up, lady. That was never in the job description. They needed a warm body to set up all the fucking books at each meeting, make painfully awkward small talk with the members, send email reminders to the people who will NEVER EVER return their books again, and then put all the shit away at the end of the night and wait way too long until the meeting has run over by an hour even though they promise to be done by 10 p.m.

I don't read books about ADD. I am completely unqualified to evaluate what new books would be good to order. I am completely unqualified to evaluate what books that were never returned should be re-ordered. I have zero recommendations. And I can't just produce a list tonight because the chair says so, because I have shit to do.

Sooooo anyway, I'm really ready to be done with it, but I feel like if I quit, that will reflect badly on Tim, since he's on the board. And I don't want that to happen. But I dread these fucking meetings and all the stuff that goes along with them.

(Not to mention that my specific role makes me feel really unsafe. After the meetings start, all the doors are closed and I am the one and only person in the lobby. And people come in late and need to know where to go, which is fine. I can do that. But I don't know all the members by sight, so when a big guy comes shuffling in and leans forward and plants his hands on my table and leans into my personal bubble and says "Am I in the right place? You'd better tell me I'm in the right place," well, I freak out a little. Because there's no one there to back me up or even witness my demise.)

Ugh. I am a little stressed.

Okay, I take it back. Authors are fabulous.

You can just say you can't do it any more, Steph. Don't worry about how it reflects on Tim - his being on the board does not obligate you in any way. And you don't really need a reason. You were happy to help, you can't do it any more, the end.

I know that's easier said than done, but keep in mind that that's how it ought to go.

And you ought to mention that you don't feel safe the way it's done now, because that ought to change whoever is doing it.

Yikes, Steph! I have no advice on how to quit, but I think you should do whatever you need to do to feel safe.

In other news, rumors of Betty White's death were greatly exaggerated, but it looks like the Joan Rivers news is real.

Yeah, Steph, you can just quit. "I wanted to help out Tim's wonderful organization, but I just can't do it anymore, sorry."

And you ought to mention that you don't feel safe the way it's done now, because that ought to change whoever is doing it.

I did, and the chair said, "Well, get some mace. And maybe an airhorn." I guess that's better than nothing, but it doesn't make me feel safe.

I just feel like I can't quit. Because they'll have to find a replacement, and it was hard enough to con me into doing it. And if they can't find a replacement, then they won't be able to have a library for the members. (WHO NEVER RETURN BOOKS.)

Steph, just say increased work and family obligations mandate you stepping down as of X date; you've welcomed being able to help their org in your capacity, and offer best wishes for their continued success in the future.

Write it in an email; cc the board. If they come back with pleading or "lessened duties," just write back, "This is a decision I have had to make after weighing my obligations. I'm sure you can find an excellent replacement for me."

Have you talked to Tim about it? As long as he gets it and supports you, fuck it.

"I'm very sorry, but current circumstances make it so I will not be able to fill this position any longer." Repeat till they stop bothering you about it, with the variant of, "No, I simply cannot do it any longer." Miss Manners will tell you that you don't have to provide an explanation.