Thanks, Jesse, I'll check on those things. Especially soothing Nature sounds.

Why are your cats yowling?

They were upset because I was acting oddly.

My ideal would be for some friends to move into my triplex, or like, next door/across the alley. That would be awesome

I want my friends to move in to the houses on my little street. Or pool our resources and buy a big house where we all can live without killing each other.

Sail, I am not trying to like it, I am genuinely not sure if I do or not. I expected to clearly and unambiguously not care for it at all.

Cheese is a good thought. The salad I am about to have has chunks of blue cheese in it, maybe that will help clarify my opinion.

Walter talked me into a short walk. There is no way my heart rate truly averaged 188 bpm ambling leisurely around the neighborhood.

They were upset because I was acting oddly.

I guess I'm lucky that none of my animals have ever taken me seriously.

I wish I lived somewhere with more Buffistas and fewer degrees above 90.

In August they should get a good feel for the humidity.

Ahahah! Yes, they will. My parents complain about the humidity at 50% when it was 75.

My windows are open and I'm rejoicing then!

But I get it.

Oh, Zen, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but also so glad that your sister called and could be with you and love you, even if she didn't altogether understand. Sometimes the withness is enough.

msbelle, you are doing monumental life and home work. If I could afford it, I'd fly you out here to Etsy/Craigslist our place and life-plan me up.

ION, I am feeling unsettled and discomfited... found out yesterday that Rage!Nurse, the bane of my existence a few years ago, is retiring due to the return of a cancer that had been mostly in remission for the last decade. Found out today that she's been in the hospital all week, and is being discharged in the next couple of days to go home to die.

I don't hate her anymore, but I'm not sure that I forgive her, and it makes me uneasy to be still holding onto this grievance about someone on her actual, imminent deathbed. But what does she need my forgiveness for? I don't think she thinks she ever did anything that merits forgiveness. I was looking at old LJ entries a few weeks ago and they were unreal -- the abusiveness, the fury, the venom, the total unpredictableness of each explosion and my own abject hopeless suicidal self-loathing. It was fucking insane, and not one person stepped in even though multiple people all over our end of the building had heard many instances of it, and it kind of broke me. And since I left she's been nothing but sunny and sweet and doting, and I really think she doesn't remember any of it.

But it did happen, and I know just enough about her life to know that she's a pretty miserable human, and now she has to face death in all her misery. I feel morally obligated to at least try to forgive her (not forget, but at least let go and let the rage die with her), but all I can manage is a sick sort of pity. It doesn't feel good.

when I first moved here I would have loved for people to move near me, but I don't want to stay here now. If I had to stay in Texas I would probably want to move to Austin, but Austin is a young city and the only people I really know there are my married cousins who are 10 - 12 years younger than me. Plus the allergies I suffer from here each winter are worse there.

I am going to be a single 50 year old empty nester when I move, I am having a hard time recognizing myself in that sentence.

I want a city, not the burbs, and not a small town. I want some culture, some food, some uniqueness. I would love some walkability and/or public transportation even if only in my immediate neighborhood. I want community.

Sorry for the rough night, Zen. Glad you're feeling better.

JZ, it'll probably take some time for you to come to terms with things.

That does sound like a difficult spot for you to be in JZ. It's all between you and you at this point. What you think of her does not, I feel certain, matter in the least to her. So if you need to be angry, resentful, whatever, allow yourself to. And if you can drop all that, let yourself do that. Neither way makes you a bad person. Morality does not, as I see it, enter into it at all.

I'm glad your sister's call helped, Zen. She doesn't have to understand.

I have very mixed feelings about forgiveness. I think people do things that are unforgivable and that trying to forgive them may bring no peace. I don't think that the dying are due more than the living.

Walkability would be nice.

Or what -t said.