when I first moved here I would have loved for people to move near me, but I don't want to stay here now. If I had to stay in Texas I would probably want to move to Austin, but Austin is a young city and the only people I really know there are my married cousins who are 10 - 12 years younger than me. Plus the allergies I suffer from here each winter are worse there.

I am going to be a single 50 year old empty nester when I move, I am having a hard time recognizing myself in that sentence.

I want a city, not the burbs, and not a small town. I want some culture, some food, some uniqueness. I would love some walkability and/or public transportation even if only in my immediate neighborhood. I want community.

Sorry for the rough night, Zen. Glad you're feeling better.

JZ, it'll probably take some time for you to come to terms with things.

That does sound like a difficult spot for you to be in JZ. It's all between you and you at this point. What you think of her does not, I feel certain, matter in the least to her. So if you need to be angry, resentful, whatever, allow yourself to. And if you can drop all that, let yourself do that. Neither way makes you a bad person. Morality does not, as I see it, enter into it at all.

I'm glad your sister's call helped, Zen. She doesn't have to understand.

I have very mixed feelings about forgiveness. I think people do things that are unforgivable and that trying to forgive them may bring no peace. I don't think that the dying are due more than the living.

Walkability would be nice.

Or what -t said.

The dumber of my two pets apparently scared herself somehow while using the litterbox. She came out of the bathroom with her tail bushed up, panting, and jumpily glaring around the room.

JZ, I agree with -t and Ginger. Dying doesn't by itself make someone a better person or deserve to forgiven. Your forgiveness or lack of it doesn't make any difference to her at this point, and if you're not ready to forgive her, then you aren't; you can't make that happen with moral guilt. (And in my humble opinion, feeling guilty because you can't forgive someone is just a way for them to keep abusing you long after they've gone.)

I'm watching Mothra. Why is there so much Christian symbology in this movie? It seems quite out of place. Also, Mothra appears about the same size as the giant moth that landed on my door the other night, so if anyone wonders where he went...

Loki does that when he barfs. Or farts.

Ion, I've just figured out I bruised the ball of my right foot. From thumping it in frustration against my chair today. Sigh.

Cheerios: my milk is spoiled so I can't have Cheerios. The cheese on my default nachos didn't melt properly. I checked the bag and indeed, I accidentally bought 2% milk shredded cheese. Which isn't cheese, it's some rubbery Frankenstein cheese-like product. I had to shred a stick of colby-jack over the nachos to make them edible. Freaking waste of money.

I am drinking hard cider on top of that Valium, so I'll be quite relaxed in a moment. Gimme a minute, I have more to say.

Oh! My sister brought me my birthday present early. It's a wonderful maple-veneer coffee table that the top lifts up to the perfect height for typing or eating from the couch, and it has storage in it too! I love it. She bought it at a yard sale in Rhode Island and brought it to me in the back of her SUV. She knows what I like, furniture-wise.

Oh, wow, that sounds amazing!

ETA The table, not the uncooperative dairy products.