In August they should get a good feel for the humidity.

Ahahah! Yes, they will. My parents complain about the humidity at 50% when it was 75.

My windows are open and I'm rejoicing then!

But I get it.

Oh, Zen, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but also so glad that your sister called and could be with you and love you, even if she didn't altogether understand. Sometimes the withness is enough.

msbelle, you are doing monumental life and home work. If I could afford it, I'd fly you out here to Etsy/Craigslist our place and life-plan me up.

ION, I am feeling unsettled and discomfited... found out yesterday that Rage!Nurse, the bane of my existence a few years ago, is retiring due to the return of a cancer that had been mostly in remission for the last decade. Found out today that she's been in the hospital all week, and is being discharged in the next couple of days to go home to die.

I don't hate her anymore, but I'm not sure that I forgive her, and it makes me uneasy to be still holding onto this grievance about someone on her actual, imminent deathbed. But what does she need my forgiveness for? I don't think she thinks she ever did anything that merits forgiveness. I was looking at old LJ entries a few weeks ago and they were unreal -- the abusiveness, the fury, the venom, the total unpredictableness of each explosion and my own abject hopeless suicidal self-loathing. It was fucking insane, and not one person stepped in even though multiple people all over our end of the building had heard many instances of it, and it kind of broke me. And since I left she's been nothing but sunny and sweet and doting, and I really think she doesn't remember any of it.

But it did happen, and I know just enough about her life to know that she's a pretty miserable human, and now she has to face death in all her misery. I feel morally obligated to at least try to forgive her (not forget, but at least let go and let the rage die with her), but all I can manage is a sick sort of pity. It doesn't feel good.

when I first moved here I would have loved for people to move near me, but I don't want to stay here now. If I had to stay in Texas I would probably want to move to Austin, but Austin is a young city and the only people I really know there are my married cousins who are 10 - 12 years younger than me. Plus the allergies I suffer from here each winter are worse there.

I am going to be a single 50 year old empty nester when I move, I am having a hard time recognizing myself in that sentence.

I want a city, not the burbs, and not a small town. I want some culture, some food, some uniqueness. I would love some walkability and/or public transportation even if only in my immediate neighborhood. I want community.

Sorry for the rough night, Zen. Glad you're feeling better.

JZ, it'll probably take some time for you to come to terms with things.

That does sound like a difficult spot for you to be in JZ. It's all between you and you at this point. What you think of her does not, I feel certain, matter in the least to her. So if you need to be angry, resentful, whatever, allow yourself to. And if you can drop all that, let yourself do that. Neither way makes you a bad person. Morality does not, as I see it, enter into it at all.

I'm glad your sister's call helped, Zen. She doesn't have to understand.

I have very mixed feelings about forgiveness. I think people do things that are unforgivable and that trying to forgive them may bring no peace. I don't think that the dying are due more than the living.

Walkability would be nice.

Or what -t said.

The dumber of my two pets apparently scared herself somehow while using the litterbox. She came out of the bathroom with her tail bushed up, panting, and jumpily glaring around the room.

JZ, I agree with -t and Ginger. Dying doesn't by itself make someone a better person or deserve to forgiven. Your forgiveness or lack of it doesn't make any difference to her at this point, and if you're not ready to forgive her, then you aren't; you can't make that happen with moral guilt. (And in my humble opinion, feeling guilty because you can't forgive someone is just a way for them to keep abusing you long after they've gone.)

I'm watching Mothra. Why is there so much Christian symbology in this movie? It seems quite out of place. Also, Mothra appears about the same size as the giant moth that landed on my door the other night, so if anyone wonders where he went...

Loki does that when he barfs. Or farts.

Ion, I've just figured out I bruised the ball of my right foot. From thumping it in frustration against my chair today. Sigh.