I am so frustrated with mac's behavior I am revisiting my old haunts of web searching for parental guidance. The consequences are not truly having a change in his behavior, he is still not: taking notes in class, writing down assignments, making school a priority, or even turning things in that I know are due.

If he did JUST that last one he would have had electronics back.

No, instead his energy goes to deception.

so then I read an article like this: [link]

and I am left wondering, what does that look like for us? how do I give him cues and work with him? I go to work, I do my job. I cook and clean in the house. I mostly get up on time. I have done the sitting with him for work, but when work is not brought home? when I never even know about it? when he lies? what then? I do not get her model.

That reminds me, have people seen the comic about the artist who has Conan the Barbarian as a spirit guide?

I just copied that example comic to my desktop. Is the universe a worthy opponent? if not, laugh.

I may need to buy those books. Along with the collected Girl Genius, the full series of The Equalizer, along with . . .

msbelle, is there any way you could enlist the teacher's help? Have her send the assignments to you in an e-mail with a schedule for when they're due? Then you can have them ready for mac to do even if he doesn't bring it home.

edit for grammar

msbelle, do you know any ditch-diggers that you could loan mac out to over the summer, with the warning that if he refuses to apply himself to his education in any way he can look forward to a life of unskilled manual labor?

Sail - they will not do that in junior high, they say (and rightly so) that the kids have to learn to be responsible.

Matt, at 13, no, can't. But also, he would just perform poorly or sit down. Not even kidding.

What are the consequences for him if he fails? (not yours, I mean at school).

Also, what need is being met by not doing the work? And by the lying? What do you think he gets out of it?

Threats never ever worked on me as a kid. They just made me angry and dig in my heels.

msbelle, that model works for some kids, but it is highly dependent on personality. It does not sound to me like it would work at all with Mac. I mean, obviously keep being a good role model, but I think consequences are necessary. The hardest thing for me is consistency. When I am tired, I get lazy. And inconsistently enforced consequences I suspect are worse than none at all. Signed, my kid has been fighting us about brushing his teeth for 6 years now. Every. Night.

I should add, he is not failing. He failed 2 midterms, but semester grades are 2 As, 3 Bs, and 1 C.

Thing is he could easily have all As - AND he complains about the behavior of kids in his classes. I have told him over and over 1) not he nor I can control what other kids do. 2) the only way to get away from the kids is to get into the advanced classes.

Let him fail is one of the next options. Full on removal of direct consequence. House rules of 1 hour of screen time a night, 1 hour mandatory minimum of homework (you provide or I make up), 30 min trombone, 30 minutes reading. Bed by 8:30-9. I do not check grades, I do not hound.

I do not have it in me to give up all my tv and computer time to do things with him 3 hours a night.

Kat, he could get held back. If he fails a class for the 6 weeks he has mandatory tutoring. And then all the pathway consequences that he will be stuck in for the rest of high school.