I saw the photo of ita on FB about 20 minutes ago and immediately brightened. My thought was, 'Yay! ita if feeling better!'
When I came here and saw that I'd missed 300+ messages, my heart realized the truth before my brain could process it.
No.no.no.no. It can't be.
It is infathomable.
How do I feel so broken over someone I never had the opportunity to meet in person? Fuck you to anyone who says you can't make true connections with someone you know only online.
This. So completely this.
ita was challenging and kind and creative and inspiring and so much more than can be explained to anyone who has not lived here.
As my own tears flow, I honor and embrace the pain in every one of your hearts.
I'm with Nilly in choosing to believe that ita is in a state of being where there is no more pain.
I bless her strength and her incredible contributions to the lives of a shockingly vast number of people on this earth.
Those who had the honor of her corporeal presence, those who benefited from her technical wizardry, those who were inspired by her physical prowess, those who were entertained by her art and genuine passion for the beauty in life and those who were touched by the kindness of her heart.
We are all richer for her existence.
Thank you Allyson and Polgara and Kristen and Burrell.
I couldn't figure out how to not go to work this morning, so I went in, and I knew I couldn't work if I came here at all, so I did not. And a couple of people asked how I was doing and I told them the truth so now I am home where I can be with all of you as I should be right now. And I have caught up on this thread since last I posted and I love you all so much.
Thank you, Allyson, for posting what happened, I know that must have been hard both to live and to write.
Allyson, Burrell, Kristen and Polgara - thank you for doing the most difficult things. i am so sorry that you had to.
Thank you, Allyson. I was there when my mother-in-law died. It's surreal. And as long as you don't attack anyone, I don't think there's a wrong reaction.
When we bought her Legolas' knives, and gave them to her, and saw the joy on her face. It was our gesture of love, friendship, and admiration, all those years ago, and it remains one of my fondest memories.
I remember organizing that with Holli, and it just felt so right. Everybody wanted to kick in. Wanted to let her know that she was our Captain and we would follow her.
Maria, thank you for sharing ita's email to you.
Allyson, thank you for the details and I would echo what all have said already.
I had to skim a little because the words are causing the tears and the sadness and the day is nowhere near over but has someone notified Cass and Stephanie I? Probably but wanted to check anyway.
I want to be around here more. I'm going to be around here more.
You don't...you don't think about what you're missing sometimes, and then something fucking horrible happens and you feel like...I should have been here? Which makes no goddamned sense, I know this, I'm a decently smart guy, but...
Rrrrgghh. I'm going to be around more.
