Thank you, Allyson. I was there when my mother-in-law died. It's surreal. And as long as you don't attack anyone, I don't think there's a wrong reaction.

When we bought her Legolas' knives, and gave them to her, and saw the joy on her face. It was our gesture of love, friendship, and admiration, all those years ago, and it remains one of my fondest memories.

I remember organizing that with Holli, and it just felt so right. Everybody wanted to kick in. Wanted to let her know that she was our Captain and we would follow her.

Maria, thank you for sharing ita's email to you.

Allyson, thank you for the details and I would echo what all have said already.

I had to skim a little because the words are causing the tears and the sadness and the day is nowhere near over but has someone notified Cass and Stephanie I? Probably but wanted to check anyway.

I want to be around here more. I'm going to be around here more.

You don't...you don't think about what you're missing sometimes, and then something fucking horrible happens and you feel like...I should have been here? Which makes no goddamned sense, I know this, I'm a decently smart guy, but...

Rrrrgghh. I'm going to be around more.

I remember running around to get a tiara for her and ship it off to her before the first F2F, because she wouldn't be there.

I want to get on a plane to LA. To do what, I don't know, but this incredible urge is there to help, even though I don't know what kind of help is needed or wanted. Ridiculous I know.

I have that same urge.

Allyson, Burrell, Kristen, and Polgara, thank you, and I'm sorry you had to be the ones.

I just ... I can't.

Everybody wanted to kick in. Wanted to let her know that she was our Captain and we would follow her.

At the prom there was this big semi-circle--we really made a production out of it--and she was dead center. It almost felt formal, you know?

I remember running around to get a tiara for her and ship it off to her before the first F2F, because she wouldn't be there.

Just wanted to repost it, as it's a lovely memory.

Maria, that is lovely.

Allyson, thanks for telling us what happened. It helps. And thanks so much to all of you for being there for ita. I wanted to be. We all did. It meant so much that you were. My love to you all and her family.

I've been at work and mostly hiding out. It's so hard to process. Sometimes here and FB has been hard to read. But I am so glad you're all here and it's so wonderful to see old names appear for ita.

I love the idea of an ita thread. I was thinking about something similar on my way back from class.

It's weird how vivid ita is to me even though I never met her. And how much I feel her absence today.

Like you all, I am having a hard time fathoming this. And I am so grateful you're all here and remembering and talking and honoring. I am so incredibly sorry for her family and Paula, and Norah and Allyson and everyone.

My favorite memory was when I finally met her at Kristin and Drew's wedding and I said "I know you don't hug" and put my hand out to shake her hand. And she enveloped me in a bear hug and told me I was ridiculous.

As I shared on FB, we had just talked the Friday before she left for Jamaica. I had sent her a router and a TiVo earlier and we were getting through the password shenanigans. She was excited about starting at the new job when she returned, and I could hear a lilt of hope in her voice that I hadn't heard for a long time. I remember getting off the phone and thinking "2015 is going to be her year." Fuck.

I probably can't do much day-to-day stuff in person in LA, but I can send funds to help with transport or other details. And I do plan to attend any memorial.

I love you all. And those of you who are making brief visits to talk about ita, I am so glad you've come back to say hi.

The ita thread: "ita's thread"

My head and heart hurts.