I am up to FIVE valentine's day cards.

Smiley face x FIVE

I got a smiley face postcard from Spartacus.

I love our craziness.

msbelle,sent me to Supernatural and Garth saying, "Marmaduke, you crazy." I love the happy stuff still going on.

I thought about doing an end of year wrap up but then decided that nobody enjoys reading Job for a reason.

• *skim or skip depressing details**

2013 was supposed to be my healing year, after losing my job, my house, and my gallbladder by Fall 2012. During my gallbladder hospital stay, they discovered I was borderline for needing a transfusion due to lack of red blood cells. We went with iron infusions instead and a scheduled hyster for Jan 2013. Sorry, but new calendar year and you'll have to pay another $5K deductible.

Okay, I'm still considering 2013 recuperating when a cute little complication sent me back into emergency surgery to correct the hyster complication. The joke was on them though because my deductible from Jan was still in place for the repair work and stay in Feb.

At this point, some might be discouraged, but I had pretty calm waters until Oct. When my appendix decided to abandon ship with the rest of the rats...sick organs. Frak, you appendix, 2013's deductible was still in play! Take that! So 2013 was more the year of surgeries. Debt collectors call every day so I screen all my calls. Then the cherry on the shit cake was that my grandma, who helped raise me and was the last person around who unconditionally loved me, died.

I was so discouraged by 2013 that I considered doing a polar plunge off my parent's dock to wash away the bad luck streak. Luckily, Buffistas pointed out what a bad idea that was.

As I write this though, it occurs to me that maybe my body was in a year of healing by purging all my sick unneeded parts. Maybe 2014 can be a building year. I'm broke, in medical debt, living with my retired parents, but I was approved for disability due to the anxiety/depression/etc. So that's good news.

As a former engineer and fast track person, it's been a huge adjustment to not being able to remember things like spelling or simple grammar rules due to the meds (heck, even keeping track of when to take the meds). People treat me like I'm cognitively impaired when I talk to them (duh, because I am) and I don't like being aware of that after growing up as one of the smart kids. Maybe that's a lesson for my character. I'm even self conscious about posting here because of it.

• *back to good stuff**

Amy had some great advice about writing the good things in smaller batches so that the year as a whole didn't become another suckfest. I started doing that and really happy things were easier to see. Jan 1st, I was invited to Hawaii again. I can't go (but the invitation is the important part) because that's when the handful of us who are left are going to inter my grandparents ashes up in Iowa. I was asked to participate in a couple Buffistas good deed projects. I have an answering machine to screen calls. I've never been closer to my parents. My son texts me good night most nights. My dog loves me.

The good stuff adds up. GOODBYE and Good Riddance 2013.

Theresa, I am so sorry to hear you had such a hard time of it last year. May 2014 indeed be a year of building up for you.

I'm sorry it's been such a rough year!

Please don't be self-conscious here. Lots of us are on meds! It's nothing to be ashamed of, and you can totally blame anything you say on the meds now!

I'm glad to hear from you.

I'm so glad you're here, Theresa. Many hugs.

I'm glad you're here too, Theresa, and please don't not post!

Theresa, thank you for sharing your struggles and your joys with us.

People treat me like I'm cognitively impaired when I talk to them (duh, because I am) and I don't like being aware of that after growing up as one of the smart kids. Maybe that's a lesson for my character.

Oh SHIT. I am going to have to sit with that one for a while. Definitely resonates with me.

Theresa, I'm thankful that you are here. Also thankful for the Valentines.

Thank you. I've had a lot of support from Topic Cindy and others back channel. I just remember being capable of better posts. But that's life, as it goes.